Dreaming Again

Its been a very busy few days, we had Steve's sister come over for the weekend which was lovely, she brought over her kids that happily played with my lot and got to know each other, it really was a lovely weekend. Saturday night we did a BBQ and lit the fire pit, how amazing my garden looked all lit up and in full bloom, its somewhere very special for me to go, a place that i can think, drink tea and just generally dream away........

Ive now got an extended family in regards a huge family of starlings have taken up residence in my bamboo, i didn't know they even ate bamboo, but waking up to them all singing away really is inspiring for me, its always cheerful ~ even when you feel knackered ! My shopping list now consists of bird food as essentials...im sure they know how i feel sometimes, id never have put myself down as a birdy kind of person.. but i look forward to them coming every day now. ok ill shut up now......

I went off riding yesterday as usual so Claire gave me Pip again, i stayed behind as i was in my need to chill moods and in no hurry to get away, so happily walked all the rest of the horses out into their fields for the night talking to Claire, is this what its all about for me? why do i feel so bloody peaceful out there... it can be raining, blowing a gale or full up with people, i don't see any of that, all i see and feel is happy and content.

We went out hacking again which is always lovely, but didn't get to canter like last week, there was more of the group there and some of them aren't happy to be flying through the cut crops like we are (strange people)..........It feels like nothing else Ive experienced, so free and yet so wild.. perhaps mum was right i am a wild child junky at heart, i just let people hold me back with their assumptions and stinky attitude towards anyone whos genuine or kind inside ~ people of course cant be can they!........ anyway im not even thinking about it, its not worth the headache......

I discovered something else about myself yesterday too ~ I want to ride a camel through the desert as fast as it will carry me, my fella cracked up at that one, but its been added to that never ending list i hope i will get through before my times up, Ive rode a camel before in Turkey but it was too tame and not what i hope to do, tell me i watch too much TV and you'd be wrong, i just come up with these strange wantings all by myself...................

My worlds back to being a single mum again for the week, my fella packed and left early this morning, Ive been TOLD no decorating this week and working myself to the point of having hairy legs and looking a state ~ trust me, ashamedly its true.......... I did get the hall and kitchen finished though so it was worth the bush tucker trials hes had to encounter this weekend...hehe

But this week i plan to

Dye my hair and let the kids help out (i promised Lauren she could dye it for me) god help my sense of humour sometimes, anyone know where you can buy good wigs?

Epilate my legs and those nether regions, that are the only thing about me that feels 'under worked!' at the moment..

Paint my nails (whats left of them) and rest up.....hehe

Im not sure i can sit here for 3 days doing that lot, i could probably manage the lot in an hour so ill have to drag it out, in between blogging............

Tonight im trying my hand at cooking Steves famous Lamb casserole ~well hes not here to cook it and stole many of my recipes so its only fair i do the same... Im hoping to achieve 'Mum does it better!'

Been thinking about this year and whats changed! so much its untrue, god knows how but we have managed to get through to August still partially sane and eating (thats thanks to my fellas working life and not mine) I'm not dancing nearly as much as i want to, partly as i have no transport all week so cant get to salsa! (sorry guys, I miss you all) but this is the last away trip for a week or two, so we aim to change that starting with Sharon and Richards party Friday night followed by the Salsa Boat Party on Saturday. I was so tired last weekend as i did way overdo everything, so need to save some energy for this weekend..and sort out my hairy legs of course!

Pip (my borrowed little white horse) has brought so much happiness to my life, silly as it may sound, its not easy bringing up 4 kids and working all hours like this, when i go to visit him all he asks for is a mint and a gentle person, i talk to him all the time I'm riding so everyone thinks ive lost the plot up there, but I'm sure he understands what I'm saying, if ever i get enough money coming in every week i have promised him ill get him on loan from Kevin and take him out of the school, hes always energetic, sympathetic and pleased to see me so to be able to go see him everyday and just go out riding with Claire and my friends would be my ultimate, sometimes we all need one to one to make us feel good, id love to be able to do that for him, i wouldn't outgrow him as i don't grow, only shrink, so i could take the dogs up there with me and just go feel that sunshine on my face..or rain of course..

I cant go off wandering round the world until my kids are through school but as this year all 4 will in be in high school, (omg) i know that times growing closer, so i have to stay alive inside in any way i can.. I'm really lucky in that i have met my soul mate and have a family that id die for to protect, but theres still so much out there id love to see, do and share with them so these guys hopefully will all be coming with me.........

Right time to get back to normality and clean this place up again ~ they wont be able to mess it up if i dont........ and i dont like to spoil the fun or dissapoint...............

Its the anniversary of Neils passing tomorrow and im trying not to think about it..

But not doing such a great job again i see .....

Some people will always be missed..