Its been one of the hardest months ive ever experienced, that's why i couldn't write in here, nothing nice would have come out of my head, there literally wasn't anything in there!
Ive knuckled down accepted the fact its just one of those times of my life that im feeling pretty frustrated so just got on with work.. boring as it may sound, its what i needed to do.
My fellas feeling in pretty bad shape, hes gained a lot of weight since we stopped dancing and has like me put everything on hold. We have been waiting for his operation to come through which did, but when down in theatre they decided its much more complicated than they first thought so they have sent him home to await a bigger op hopefully by the end of this month... I do really feel for him at the moment, hes also not the easiest person to live with either as he stopped smoking also last month so tends to pick holes in just about everything i say or do........oops lol
I keep telling myself its just a phase and i know id be much worse, but im having to bite my tongue quite a bit so i don't bite back ! im the most placid person walking planet earth most of the time, but if i do i lose it (which thankfully i don't ) i will make sure they get the point.. instead im muttering away under my breath, and keeping as far away as i can, that way no one hears me talking to myself either (I have noticed im starting to answer myself though, which is rather worrying)...hehe
The good news my fellas health problem can be cured and sorted out, so once his bigger operation is done, he can get back to feeling good again and start dancing and getting out, so hopefully we can get back to having some kind of life soon..
Whats been happening in between work? are you ready for this? nothing...........................
I haven't (apart from riding) been out of the house at all since xmas, i desperately miss my friends and social life, as i find myself daily repeating the same old jobs here, for the kids to then come home and wreck within the hour, i give up trying to house train them and just kid myself its my job, although my eldest has been really good, hes growing up lovely and turning into someone i like spending time with.. the 'whatever' stage is slowly going, the sense of humour is growing by the day and somehow hes managing to keep up with his diploma and schooling even though he only had 1/3rd of lessons that the other students have, so good for him...
Watching whats happened to my fella, has put me off from stopping smoking, ive cut down drastically which im pleased about, but i really don't want to turn into a grump like he has been either, so im still smoking but only when i need one, and just ignoring his comments through the glass door when i do, as yes Steve i CAN lip read!.. :)
He says its the hardest thing hes ever done and i can see it really is, so its a credit to him thats hes done it, but now hes done this hes decided he can do anything! so is weeding the garden of life ready for spring.......what he means is, anything hes not happy with in his life at the moment hes getting rid of ! I nearly got thrown out with last weeks weeds, but he decided i wasnt so bad afterall and changed his mind.....lol
Im used to a guy that is as kind and as chilled as they come, so its been rather eye opening, seeing the worm thats turned !! I do agree in some areas of this though, its positive that hes changing what he doesnt like, its just all happened overnight with this personality change that came with the not smoking anymore.. he smells nicer im sure, but im not getting in close to find out, im staying behind the line here and minding my own business..hehe
For the first 2 weeks i got shut the F*** up every time i said anything... and then 'Go to bed then if you dont like it' for the next 2, so its been a bit of a roller coaster on my sense of humour track..
This week things seem much better, hes been working from home and seems more like the guy i know again, Ive had cuddles when i didn't expect, quite a few nice things said, and not one 'shut the f*** up yet', so I'm on a roll !.................yipeeeeeeeeeeee
Riding has been my sanity, since Jacks throwing me up against a wall episode, i didn't quit, instead ive been trying week by week to rebuild some confidence, it seems to be working as im enjoying the riding more than ever and looking forward all week to getting there. Sometimes going back to basics brings you forwards in ways, that's kind of how i feel at the moment with life in general, i have to go backwards to be able to move forwards now..
The positive side is ive done no end of work, which is really good, weve built a directory which im now working on populating and am trying new ideas out. Because im stuck indoors my head seems to be screaming to be creative, to keep myself smiling.
Im often working away here, not realising im still working, which has got to be good for the business, I haven't spent this amount of time so focused in years, so although its not been the best month for the soul and feeling happy, it is helping in ways the business should hopefully see the benefits of later...
Im just sitting here waiting for spring to come. So i can spring back to life like the tulips and spring blooms do.. at the moment im buried in muck and feeling pretty hemmed in..
Ive been keeping up with every ones blogs which have been my morning ritual with my cuppa and reading all your exciting stuff that's been happening... thank you for the morning smiles guys.. Im going to invest in one of Roses books soon and hopefully start reading again..
Im also taking the plunge next week and getting Dayle over to dye my hair, ive thought for weeks about changing the hair colour, so next week im going to do it..
I already know the answer now to, 'do blondes have more fun?' (the answer for Feb is a definite NO) so I'm gonna try March in a different shade ....and join the darker side of life
I need to.. if i carry on like this by May ill probably have no Bloody hair left anyway, so what the hell..lol
I may as well give it a go while ive still got some....
Right time for a ciggy...............................hope hes not looking ! lol
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