Happy last year

As the new year moves in closer, I'm giving thanks to what this year has brought me...

Experiences that have added many more smiles and a few tears to remind me not to take it all for granted,

Its been another fantastic year, the rollercoaster life sits you on and throws you about on is invaluable...

Ive learnt and felt so much from others, so I'm continuing on my journey totally excited and amazed by what its showing me...

Next year i hope will allow me time to learn a little more about the people i love,
so i can be a better person from knowing them, they have added so much to me as a person and have helped me grow, and id like to give more back to them ...

to be able to wake up and smile and feel loved, i couldn't possibly want for more...

so whatever comes my way ill keep taking those strides forward and experience every step ..

Ive got my little wish list and if I'm lucky enough to get the opportunities ill grab them with both hands..

theres been a few scrapes as the year went by but for every negative thing that happens I'm trying to look for the positives within it...

I know many look at it as out with the old in with the new ! hoping that the new year brings better things,

i couldn't wish for any more than what i already have, except for a little more time with those who are important to me and to help them understand how important they are ........

I feel such a sense of freedom by being allowed to be myself ..

everyday I'm growing and turning into what i always hoped was in there .....

I have my different sides as everyone does and a 'bad head' as i call it lol .........
but its not bad.. its just rude ... and a need whats also growing ..... ( that's my next blog !)

but I'm looking back and smiling to myself at what every day has brought me, experiences i call on to take me through the not so sunny days, and a warmth inside that's growing by the day ...

the best part of my year ? well its one i wanted to remember clearly for my armchair ..........

and strangely is the one most hazed ....lol ...

but that makes me giggle to myself as that really is what lifes all about .........

surprises and being surprised ............... xxx

missing words

Im working on trying to put into words how someone else feels .....

Its not something easy, but after hearing his song its really touched me ....

he says he cant find words but knows what hes trying to say .........

what he doesnt realise is that we can already hear them ........

You can hear every wonderful word when he plays the song.....

its full with passion and emotion and says everything hes trying to say..........

He wants me to try and put his music into words ........ but it wont be so beautiful .....

This man has a special gift and although he cannot see it .........

he has the ability to write music from his heart , so you can feel every note ...

Some things are heard best, without saying nothing at all .........

Santa's been

Had a fantastic day ...

Woken up to ' santas been ' all so excited and sleepy eyed ......

The children were all so happy though, and were a pleasure to be with ....

My grandparents came for lunch and added a sparkle to my day...

watching my grandad slightly worse for wine singing with my daughter was priceless, i was really glad to have them with us, i spent many a happy time at their house and it was lovely to see them enjoy themselves and relax ...

My thoughts are all happy ones of a day spent laughing smiling and singing .......

listening to the kids all with a musical instrument in tow was the best part (and the loudest) we finished the day off by all singing together it was a perfect ending for a day filled with great surprises and many funny moments .....

Festive spirit

Its Christmas eve .... and my house is asleep ...



I hope you are all as content as i am tonight ...



I'm sitting here alone happily singing to myself



Thanks for what you gave today.....



It was such a special thing to do ...





to take time and make time for others ...



precious time ..... that was very precious to some ..



I know what I'm giving thanks for tomorrow ....



For a friendship that's priceless ............



You've made my house so happy and peaceful tonight .........



I could hear them talking in bed about how great you were .... lol



all saying they know why you were given such a special name .......



Merry Christmas to you ...... from your army of little fans ......



thanks for making today so special for us ..... xxx

Not enough kisses

I went to the woods today to gather the holly and find my peace ......

Its the part of christmas i most look forward to ..

Being as one with nature,

wondering round for hours the time slipped away ..

and so did any stress ....

The holly was beautiful, and the crisp damp leaves smelt so wonderful .....

but where has all the mistletoe gone?

you can never have enough kisses ........

flying free

I feel like i can fly now .......

my spirit has soared ......

went to see our friends tonight ......

Ive really missed them .......

the fog is clearing at last....

i can see those stars clearly tonight ..............

Give thanks

A special thank you to a special person ..... Sandra ............

I didn't know where to start yesterday as i had no gifts for any of my family ........

the kids are so excited about going to the woods and collecting holly Saturday, but i was feeling anxious inside .......

what do you do when you have no money to buy what the kids are asking Santa for ?

they haven't asked for much, but i was struggling to buy single gifts ........

then i got talking to a special kind of angel and she took a day off to take me on a tour of things Ive never been to see ........

i didn't know where we were going, she just asked me to cancel any plans and shed collect me at 9.30 am......... so on the bus we went on our journey ........

what a fantastic person she is and how lucky am i to have such a kind person in my life .....

we spent all day and most of the evening, just walking and talking, we walked for miles...........

just talking about past, present and future , and she changed my whole outlook completely...

we watched the skaters at the ice rink, and arm in arm strolled through the city as she was telling me things, that made me feel so much better as a person .........

I'm not money driven, far from it and its all got so commercialised now ...

and this year i have to install values in them about the real meaning of this special time of year .......

so i came home last night very tired but happy that we'd made some sense of it all ....

i cant give my kids what they see on the TV, but what i have done is something i think will show them how to compromise .......... and how much i care .......

they have a special gift to wrap.......... but its to be shared .....equally between them ....

I'm happy that Ive done my best and I'm sure they will be happy too ...

it seemed to inspire others too as i had a nephew visit me last night and he brought something for me, he told me to wrap it up from Santa as he no longer played with it ..............bless

yesterday was full of surprises ..... i did miss something i was really looking forward to and couldn't say why i wasn't going, as i didn't know myself what was taking place yesterday either...
all i knew this lady wouldn't ask me to miss something she knows i love unless there's good reason, and a good reason it was .........

she really is a true Christmas angel, her inside kindness shines through ...........

shes helped me so much over the years without thought for herself has spent a lifetime caring for others and gives you inspiration that there are some real diamonds shining out there ...

the kids are making gifts today, and I'm giving gifts that cannot be bought .......

so although its been a tough time, I'm feeling really positive thanks to a special kind star ....

we didn't spend anything except just a little precious time ...............

merry Christmas to you my friend ....................

you really are a kind spirit we all need at christmas .........

I scored !!

what a day its been ..... achingly fantastic ..... now all i need is a massage ......

Ive completed my fitness test and passed with flying colours .. yippee

I told the instructor all my bad sins too ! lol

but after being strapped up (which i thoroughly enjoyed) to a machine that monitored all my vital signs (vodka o meter included) i am really pleased with how it turned out...

its given me a real buzz, that my effort is working wonders, not just on the inside ...

when he got to the how many do you smoke bit, i was tempted !! but id be lying to myself so told him the truth !! as horrified as i was to do so ...

at the end of the test, i scored really well, I'm in the top margin which i couldn't believe ... so if that's not an incentive nothing is .......

the best bit is what i scored in stamina .......... Ive been giggling since i left the gym.......

couldn't wait to settle an old score there, my partner is ribbing me for falling asleep once !!

so tonight i showed him and i got top marks ........ 100% .... yeah !
had to bring the print out home and rub it in ..........lol

hes slipped away quietly now with a glass of wine, meanwhile I'm thinking of a 'Perfect 10 ' .................

i saw in a gym once ......... mmmmmmm





you know me ....... lol

i may be cutting down sugar .....

but my appetites still there ...lol

getting physical

At a time when over indulgence seems to be on everyones list...

im gonna be enjoying myself in all ways except eating .. lol

and getting back into shape ......

I have a fitness test tonight which has made me think ...oops

I used to be very fit, i use the word carefully! used to be ........lol

I'm going to be put through my paces, tested to see how far they can push me....... oh yeah bring it on ....... lol

they'll be surprised, i may look small ....

but i know how to dig deep .........

and I'm firmly focused .....

I'm gonna go and give the instructor a run for his money...

Ive been working hard both in the gym, pool and at home and its finally starting to show ....... inside ..........

I'm becoming mentally stronger by the day, and more confident again ....

so when you're sitting there stuffing those chocolates ! mmmmmm

and all that pudding lol ..........over this festive season ...

.... remember .....

you only get out what you put in....

and if you cant find the energy to take care of yourself ....

feel too lazy to exercise ...... tut tut

you end up with a big butt and tum to rival the best pudding !

just like Santa ........

Ho Ho Ho !! .................. lol

The gift

Its a time for giving and receiving...........

emotions seem to work overtime at this time of year.........

some will straight away think of Christmas gifts of what they want and hope for.......

some will think of more of what to give, they don't give to receive ...........

but the best gift anyone could wish for isn't one to be wrapped .......

it has a very special meaning to all who give or receive it ..........

......... The gift of love ...........

innocence

Had a relaxing evening, a few drinks, great company and a stimulating conversation .....

getting in the mood for the festive season, that's nearly upon us ....

the tree is now shining brightly and has brought with it a glow to everyones faces......

the mischief making and excitement is enchanting its way through the house...

wonder and innocence all asking questions on what is about to happen .........

Bubbles

Ive made a few chances to my outlook , decided it was time to get my life back into shape.

i few quite a few exciting things planned and i want to enjoy my time here .....

Ive been taking out of myself more than Ive been putting in and that's not good,

this year has taught me a valuable lesson on many things.....

i needed to reevaluate on whats important to me and focus on that instead ....

its fine to put others first, but if they don't treat you kindly back with respect
its then time to move on ..........

I'm not one to be told what i can and cant do, if people cant accept me as i am, and be happy with me , then i shouldnt be wasting precious time ..

it makes me realise some things i valued in life aren't worth their value i placed on them ...

so I'm starting on the inside, getting to know new people i haven't given the opportunity to ...

learning whats inside them and growing with it ....

helping to make them grow inside ...

i have been very surprised with some of my life's discoveries, so this may surprise me too,

I'm living for each day and enjoying every moment , good or bad, i want to experience it all...

some times you have to strive forward and make a bold step, it does hurt, but you'll end up getting hurt eventually so its just postponing the inevitable ...

I'm left with an abundance of fantastic experiences this year has brought, many happy thoughts ..

and staring the new year with a fresh start, fresh outlook very excited about what it may bring,
optimism, excitement and many amazing armchair memories ..........

whatever you may do i hope the new year is just as good for you all ...
i hope you find everything you are looking for, and enjoy every minute of being alive today ...

it wont be here tomorrow ........ you never know what you had until its gone do you .........

wet dreamz

black and white

The seasons are changing again....

each just as inspiring as the last...

the circle of life is ever changing..

bringing with it a chill to the air...

its harshness masked in a vision of beauty .....

fresh and invigorating , feeling your lungs expand with a cool awakening

sharpness ...

its beauty unsurpassed .... totally magical yet gentle to touch ...

hugging each branch like a sugar coated blanket , protecting from the winds call ........

wishful thinking

Was enjoying my weekly visit round the globe

and i came across this picture ..............

i have these lovely thoughts today of sitting in that pool with a big helping of spirit ....

and a few guests .............lol

well i couldnt enjoy the seasonal spirit without company ..........

this has got to be my ideal christmas ........

the water looks so tempting and its inviting all kinds of goodwill in my head ....

im adding this place onto my wish list !

its got everything i'd need all placed under the stars ..... mmmmm

my kind of heaven ...................

special times

At this special time of year, you think of friends and loved ones.......

its a time for sharing, caring and goodwill to all men ...........

i always remember a very special friend at this time of year, and the fun we used to have,

i used to send him the funniest gifts and looked so forward to Xmas just to see his face when he opened them !

i think the best gift was one which came after another of his new loves having yet another breakup !!

he was as usual down his local pub christmas morning..

so i had delivered a 6 foot coffin to his local pub ( no I'm not joking) it took some arranging i can tell you ...

the landlady knew him well and on the first, 'Ive not got a woman' to anyone standing close..

she was instructed to pass it through the pub (which she did in hysterics) by the time it got to my friend, he knew it was me who sent it ! and just said ' Jo '

but he opened the coffin to a sexy 5 foot well blown up in the right regions sex doll, i had made her up with a tailor made outfit exactly like i knew he liked, complete with wig, makeup, jewelery and tattoos ! everything he'd need for a good night after the beer !

i received a phone call on speaker from the pub with all the customers in stitches, and it made my Christmas......................
i have never laughed so much in my life... when he pulled up in his sexy little sports car with his doll strapped in with a seat belt ! it will stay with me forever ........ she was believe it or not his longest standing woman to date .......... lol

i hope he enjoyed our Christmas's together as much as i did .............

and if i could wish for any gift in the world for Christmas,

i'd ask for these memories to last me a lifetime ...........

..

tuned in

What a beautiful day ................

i am having a really inspiring morning !

a good friend has lent me his apple Ipod it has a 1000 songs on it ...

and boy am i singing loudly today ..

he got it back home and it belonged to a woman who was on holiday there...

the stuff goes back from the 60s to today , talk about lift my mood ... i would have loved to have met her .......... we have the same taste ....

I have got to get myself one of these ............

I'm in my element here, Ive done all the work so today is a chill out day

hitting my oasis tonight and finishing the day as Ive started it ..........

i heard one song today my mum used to sing to me..

it was a Chris Rea song ..... fool if you think its over ....

it takes me back to a time when i did, how true are his words ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwpvIAYAqMo

he sings it a bit better than my mum did, but she meant it more ...

music this morning is inspiring me and how i feel inside ..

i still have 947 to go ...........

by the end of today i should be on cloud nine........

ready for my great week ahead .........

under the shell

It was lovely to see my mum, she looks really well ...... unlike me !lol
they came to see me up the office, and its the quickest Ive got finished
by 12.30 i had done , i really should get up at 4am and start that early again
it left me with the rest of the day to be out of the office ....................

were all coming down with some kind of bug here, my eldest has been off school all week
and whatever it was, its started getting to grips with me last night....
but its refreshing to see condensation on all my windows... it makes you not take things for granted..
the kids said it was freezing inside and then opened all the doors to let the heat in ? which did make me smile .........

i find it rather novel sleeping in a nightie, its something Ive never done,

not that Ive had much sleep ! i spent the night in a cold sweat having the most horrific nightmares again ...

what is my subconscious trying to tell me ?

and why do i have to loose sleep over it, cant it just pop whatever it is in my head ?
instead of getting up drinking tea looking at the birds ,

Ive been breaking down my dreams trying to make some kind of sense from them......

my guests have all now gone to my sisters, so my day today will be trying to prepare them a room for when they return Sunday........

I'm having some time out tomorrow, since my partner came back i haven't had a chance to really talk to him, hes been on the phone most of the time and was so tired i havent had the opportunity ! ....

the sitter is booked and I'm going to have a swim, a good meal and enjoy some freedom,

it doesn't do you any good to stay indoors all the time ....




Ive learnt that one ! you end up in your own little world only enjoying yourself when visitors come to visit,


sadly they usually stop after a while when the novelty wears off and you end up being on your own most of the time .....


which is no good for anyone !

you can end up loosing a big part of your fun side, which in the end none of us should loose..

Ive done my stint stuck at home only because i had no help here, now its time to get out there......

just those simple things like going for a walk, listening to my music, or sitting on my beach watching the stars ....

Ive really missed it .............. its a big part of who i am ....... and makes me what i am inside ..... and i need it back with me ...

i love people for whats inside them too ..... not their outside shell ......





you can be so beautiful on the outside, but its what you hold inside under that shell ....... thats makes you special ....... so the more you put in the better you will feel .........

many people think by having a new hairdo or image change, it will make them fresher more appealing ...

Start on the inside first ........ as whats inside shines through, to the outside .....

that's my outlook anyway ........




the real beauty is on the inside of that shell .......



but you have to open it to let it shine ...............

rescue remedy

Its 4am had a very sleepless night last night,

vivid very disturbing dreams,

so ive decided that i dont wanna sleep its much nicer to sit and wait for the sunrise........

been sitting here staring at a pressie !!! oh my god ! as the blonde bimbo would say .... these are so me its untrue, i am totally in love with them....... what is it ? theres only 2 things in life i can never get enough of (those things that dont cost anything) ........ and sexy boots !
i have to say these are the best pair ive ever owned , so im not gonna wear them yet i need to clean up my act first, a few changes i think ...............
they are a bit special, i saw a pair like it years ago in paris and wished ! sadly i couldnt warrant spending it, but these were a gift .......so who am i to argue... lol

another ray of light is ariving today !!
help is on its way , i can see a little light now not so far in the distance ...
my mum and her hubby are nearly here, im coming home tonight to something i desperately need ........

my kind of rescue remedy ...... now the weight on my shoulders is gonna lighten up.....

what a beautiful day .........
i wish them all a safe journey ........

shes only here for a few hours today before leaving for my sisters ........ so gonna make the most of it ...

its strange not many customers are answering this time of the day ! lol
is it normal to be sitting here singing away in boots and a little black nightie ?
mmmmmm lol

anyway may today be brighter than yesterday ..... a smooth flat ride for a few days would be much appreciated ..... and although i thought yest didnt affected me .... it did......

its made me more determined today .........

the visitor

What a journey this week has been ..........
Ive had so many feelings emotions and experiences its untrue !
i seemed to have crammed in an emotional roller coaster ........
don't get me wrong i love a challenge...... its what makes me tick !
if someone says i can't do it , i will .....that's what drives me..
I'm kind hearted inside but have always found it easier to show a thicker skin ..
too many people walk over you if not , and Ive done my stint as a doormat....

Today has brought back a few feelings i had suppressed i must admit,
the last time i lived by myself i was going through so many changes it was hard .
but looking back, strangely enough it was so valuable to me ...

today i had a visitor ......... a non invited guest ...


totally out of the blue ......... an old long term partner ( and ill use the words carefully here)


i just stood there speechless (which is unusual) ....... and its just about finished the week off nicely ....


instead of his usual 'babes' manner as he used to call me ... he used my name ! i didn't realise he knew it, after all id only been with him 9 years

and came to ask my advice !!! yes honestly.........


not many people surprise me, they may do at first but the novelty usually wears off when i discover my people skills have been totally mislead again ,

but today i have been surprised........ by myself .....

there sat a man who i used to be terrified of , i would hear his keys in the door and disappear into my inside shell, back to puppet mode, as i knew whatever i said or did would be wrong,
so it was just a matter of waiting for it to come, which it did ...

its no use arguing it would just make the anger worse so you would hope he would be drunk enough to pass out or miss, its not a nice thing to talk about i know, but too many people are scared to say what happens.......... I'm not ..........

what makes a man want to physically beat a woman, what kind of feel good factor does it give them, in all the years i knew him he never once had a go at a bloke ?


i was walking down a road with him once after work and this chap coming from another direction came towards us, he must have known tom (that's what ill call him) as when he got to him he spat straight at him...... id never seen this chap before, but tom had !
he was now living with toms last ex girlfriend before me ... and no doubt had strong feelings towards him.

i didn't say a word i carried on walking, and without a word muttered we went home quietly until we entered the door, i can remember trying to hit back then nothing more, waking up in a hospital bed with a damaged kidney , broken arm and ribs,black n blue in so much pain , but not knowing what the hell happened? or why .....

i was told his friend had came to visit and i was passed out in a pool of blood with him sitting there staring, drinking black coffee .... he hadn't rang an ambulance id been there a while ..

he never visited me for weeks in hospital , his guilt (or lack of it) wouldn't allow him to see what he'd done,

this happened on many occasions and i went through several sessions of counseling from nice ladies all trying to help me so i would leave him,


everybody could see what was happening i was definitely hitting a downward spiral in life,

and felt i couldn't get out, he always said he'd kill me if i left and i believed him.

i later found out from the police that he had already served 3 years for rape at knife point of his last ex girlfriend who just happened to be carrying his unborn child...
i was lucky in that manner at least and had the sense not to go down that road, it would have meant being tied to him for life....

it took me a long time to grow and understand why i was with him and build enough strength to get away, 2 years after i left him he was still hounding me daily and drove over me in a car park, when i did eventually start to venture outside .......... why ?
why after all that time did he not move on and build his life with another doormat !! he had one at the ready my cousin !! it was loss of control .................. his control ........ of me ...

how ever much i didn't like him, i did like my cousin and she didn't know any better, i did try to warn her, but he was so very clever at hiding his real self ,

and i suppose i was looked in view as his ex .......... so she believed him ..
if he was that bad why would i have stayed with him for so long........

I'd often asked myself that ! ..........

I'm glad i stayed in touch with her, as at least i got to see what happened to him, she doesn't leave him though, just visits me when she needs help , what she wants is a shoulder to cry on, and some understanding, and i know how she feels inside, she will leave him, but in her own time, its not as easy as people think when you have nothing left of yourself , you feel you deserve everything , its your fault somehow ....

life has a way of making us turn into who we're supposed to be, I'm still growing into that person, i always hoped was in there, and I'm enjoying every minute of it .........

today there he sat in tears ! but instead of hating him i felt so very sorry for him.........
he hasn't found his way in life,never will , so frustrated he goes round in circles making the same mistakes time after time......loosing his control of what he seeks to control ...

the fact that he doesn't know what he does wrong , astounds me .....

here sits a man who cant possibly measure up in a mans world, so he picks the weaker physical sex to measure up to, the fact that he can hurt, push and demand what he wants makes him feel more powerful, like the man he always wanted to be and cant...
as in a mans world hell never measure up .. hes weak pathetic and totally lost, sooner or later his women get stronger by how hes treats them and he looses ........

you get to that turning point that there is nothing left in you and its then your time to decide which way you want to go, do you really want to die at his hands ... you honestly believe there is no life left for you ... you just hope ............

you couldn't be more wrong, if you could see what i could see today, you would think again ....
I saw one clear thing from him today ......... a broken weak old man ..

all the things i wanted to ask i didn't, and instead of getting upset , i gained strength by the minute,
although what was past is past, but if i could help him see what he does, it may just help someone else ? ............wrong ! .......... he doesn't listen , he wont change ...

he cant get over the fact of who i am now, i got the , you didn't look like that when we were together !! correct ... i was a punchbag most of the time never allowed to wear a skirt , makeup or have any kind of mind of my own .... i was what he turned me into ...a shell ....

he still doesn't understand that , ............. some people never learn ...

he was a real looker when i met him, and youth made me look on the outside not where it mattered as on the inside this man was so ugly, no compassion, no guilt , no love ........ nothing except himself and his need to control .... he would pick us young, fresh to mould into what he'd make us, with no opinions .....

this was a man i was so scared of, yet today i sat with him without fear in fact i wanted to punch his lights out, but i will not hold hate, remorse and bitterness like so many do ... or that would make me ugly inside .........

so Ive learned from what i experienced and have learnt many good qualities inside myself from it ...

you have to respect a partner and help that person grow and love them for what they grow into, the more you put into that person the more you gain ...

he carries no respect for anyone and thinks the world owes him a life ...

living with a violent partner does take away everything inside, your self respect, confidence, and personality, it ends up always with the same results ... the victim feels worthless and becomes unwanted to them so continue a life of misery and fear never for filling what they are here to do, enjoy life, or they fight back and end up using violence to protect themselves and rebel, when they get to this stage they have the strength to get away, they just need help .......
its not just women that get hit, just as many men suffer the same effects

but you have to really look inside yourself and ask yourself something ?

nobody gives a person the right to put themselves higher than you, we are all equal here....
you have to find it within yourself to grab your life and live it to the full without violence and fear everyday, theres only nothing left when you give up......so don't .........
you only get one life to live , so live it for yourself ........
if you meet someone else , make sure you are together because you want to be, not because no one else would want you .......
there really is life outside to what you think , its a different life, with no fear ..........
just to be able to wake up smiling , longing to breathe in every bit of it ........

we don't know how long we've got here, so you have to experience as much as you can, and enjoy every step ... just like the leaves on the trees it can blow away tomorrow ........

some like tom will walk round and round in circles blaming everything except what is to blame ... themselves ...
but what goes around definitely comes around and watching him cry today made me realise ...... life will hand him exactly what he deserves a life of loneliness ......

I'm so glad i didn't give up believing ....... I'm making my life one i want to remember now .......

yesterday doesn't matter, and there is no tomorrow ................. its today what counts....

start counting for you ......... enjoy every second .......... its your life ..........

travelling

Theres been a few changes as you'll see !

oh yes Ive been such a busy bee ,

weve both had such an up n down ride !

but always took it all in our stride ....... lol


Ive missed your dirty mind much more !!

than coats and laptop dumped on floor...

so leave the work , come straight to bed !

time to strip work , right out from your head .........

Happy birthday!

For a very special friend ....



who's special day it is !



We want to wish you something......



......... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! ...............


may you have a fantastic very special day .......


as you always make others feel so special .........

diamonds

This blogs for others tonight .........

I'm so proud of what you've all achieved, its been so tough for you all !
but you did it !! we knew you could ............

and i cant wait to hear all about your experiences ......
we've all missed you ........ cant wait to get you home ............

and give you one huge hug ! amongst other things .......... lol

enjoy your last day to the full ........ i can hear you're all smiling ......
and cant wait to see it .............

one thing more ...........

....... thank you ........

i couldn't mean that more .........

spilt milk

I'm going to bed tonight reciting something to myself...smiling
It's no use crying over spilt milk ...

my mum told me that one, Ive learnt that one! and its very true !!

they don't genuinely mean to spill it, it just sometimes happens ..

its gonna happen all through life, i certainly expect it, but I'm not gonna let it take away the important things........

we all try to do stuff for the best reasons, sometimes it goes right, sometimes it goes wrong,

but whatever way it goes, we wouldn't have known if we didn't try .......

so its another of those experiences, life hands us everyday........

if it comes again tomorrow......... so be it ..... I'm still gonna be smiling ....

I'm sure something good can come of something not so good.... so ill keep believing...

I'm well loved ... happy in myself .... and have fantastic friends and family ....

how much more could i want ......... i'd say ive been gifted .........

the bottles not half empty in my eyes ........... its half full ............

Independence

Its a powerful word, and means just that... being independent...

i would have never said i was, but as the days move on, I'm finding myself getting stronger..
tackling things i wouldn't never normally do and striving forward with it !
i have a mountain every morning to get through but after my initial,
watching the birds and the sunrise, I'm jumping onto gear with a new spring in my stride...
why ?
i did miss my partner badly at first, but strangely now i feel that I'm more settled,
Ive got into a routine with work and kids two of us couldn't manage and getting the lot done !!
my house is spotless, Ive done all the work of four of them, and cooked a roast dinner today!
and now I'm finding time out to write a blog ?
where did all this come from ? and wheres it been hiding ? that's what i want to know..

the sleeping is becoming easier , I'm listening to my music with my fountain on all surrounded by my candles and its totally refreshing....lol
its made me realise what i can achieve if I'm pushed and i have really learnt a lot about myself in he past 10 days...
i get to talk to him most evenings but by then I'm either in bed or half drunk, so the conversations are limited and somewhat blurred lol......
I've gone from a stressed out mum/boss to one who's back in control and am really enjoying the time out, dancing and singing away to songs all round my lounge with little ones ..
how can the kids behave so well for me, and why are they ? its mystified me.....
i heard them talking earlier and i listened in to try and gain some knowledge into this transformation and its clear now .........
its my independence .........
I'm living as an independent for the moment , i am learning growing and astounded at the difference, by me showing them that i can do it, they all are too !
getting up to a cup of tea and a bath has never happened so its quite a treat,
and to see them acting independent without prompt is endearing ..........
my partner can sense the change in me as he was on the telephone when it was bedtime, its normally a dreaded word, but up they went a kiss from each and no fuss !! he thought id put the phone down ! no it was me being organised, and taking back control of something i thought id lost......

ill always be there for others if and when they may need me ...
but i LOVE feeling this Independence .........
as for my partner, hes always encouraged it.. so he'll be more than happy..
as for when hes back ? ill add back on an old friend to add to my new find........ sexy........

SEXY AND INDEPENDENT ...................

isn't it amazing what tomorrow can bring .............

wake up

A friendly hint for the day........

47 missed calls starting at 5.30 tells me someone really needs to buy one today !! lol

i dont mind waking everyone up, but when no-one does ...tutt tutt

i have no heating here and its a bit chilly to be sitting here trying to wake the dead !!

i missed the sunrise and the birds !! the best part of the day..

so please remember hotels can do early morning calls too ...

wouldnt it be nice ............mmmmmmmm

anyway...... good morning.....anyone for a fry up ? lol

no blogs today

my blogs not working !!
was it something i said ?
or did perhaps ?
..... lol......

Anyway had a very pleasant night !
had an unexpected guest, who also loves vodka ...
so it turned out to be a spontanious very enjoyable evening...
it was as if she knew, i was needing a lift ..
so my spirits are up today.. but the bottles way down !

a little bit of what you fancy does you good !
and it was well needed giggle last night ...
and has certainly made me feel better inside.
its strange, those you hope you can reply on, sadly you cant
but those you dont count on, sometimes they do ....
life holds so many surprises for us .....
lets enjoy each and every one of them .........

bruised knees

Wev'e all heard the saying ........

if at first you dont succeed try, try again !

Its very true, nothing is easy in life........ we have to keep trying ...

what makes a successful person ? how do they forefill their dreams ...

because they dont quit, they keep plugging away, getting back up after each knock, not giving up ... gain strength from being knocked back and push on harder...

you can make your life into what you want it to be ...

but you have to believe in yourself ...........

experiences are there to experience ........ good or bad they are valuable memories

learning is something we continue to do every day of our lives ...

the more you learn , lifes what you make it , the higher you'll climb..

its all there, its what choices we make, that makes the difference...........

think about it xxx

how does the song go ... you'll never get to heaven if your scared of getting high ...

setting up

Today is setting up day ........

everyone is rushing around adding those last minute finishing touches ! which i should be doing..

it sounds really exciting and although im shattered im tempted to get on those trains ..


im missing a four poster bed and jacuzzi ! and the food i hear is excellent......mmm ...


not to mention those sexy acts ...pussycat dolls...mmmmm

im struggling at the moment from the lack of company ...

im on my own most of the time and although im still entertaining myself , i know where i want to be .....

do i throw caution to the wind and join the fun ? i know i would love the energy there and be buzzing ...............

or stay here and hope i can try to adjust my character for them next year.....

part of me knows i wont fit in , but isnt our beauty inside ? so why should i change and be someone im not ... for others .....


experience has taught me one thing... many people claim to be something they're not ...
and i dont want to be anything other ........ than who i am.........

my spirit should make up for what they think im lacking on the outside ...

and if its not good enough ....it is them who are a let down... im happy how i am ...

i know where i want to be, and my head is in that jacuzzi having wild sex all round that hotel room !

up to my neck with 'creative' people likewise , so its my kind of heaven ....

not to mention getting to meet many celebs, who i can talk in my bad english to ...lol

ive got a bag packed just in case ... may add a few bits to it ...

i need to be where my spirit is .... i want to start creating again ..... and this will inspire me ...


watch out for the woman looking lost .... she may be coming ..........she wont fit in ...

but she doesnt care !! ...........................


she'll be the one singing " dont cha !! " in that slashed top .........

Day at the office

My heads still spinning, from running up and down taking phone orders, processing, packing, populating and trying to hold down everyone else's jobs......

I'm running, but it keeps the adrenaline flowing, and I'm getting back up to speed, so its starting to put a little excitement back, its a challenge but I'm determined ill get it done and still have my time out .......

and as ' i did get it all finished ' it was another good one today ! everyone was friendly and polite, except for ' olde sniffer ' (that's how hes known at our office ! ) hes constantly sending items back wanting the model to wear them first !! what is happening to society ...

he has no woman in his life but loves to shop for 'sexy women's clothing' ... lol ....
no wonder hes single .... what a weirdo ..... he shops in a unique way .... and offers ridiculous money for the models range ...lol

i have these visions of this bloke, hand at the ready- firmly on his tackle waiting for Mr postman excitedly, ready to open his parcel... lol .....
( apologies to royal mail, id prefer the dog bite too )

perhaps i shouldn't have laughed at his requests, but i was in stitches too much to read what he actually wanted us to do ! oops....... so its kinda dropped me in it, as I'm the only one left to deal with his requests....... so tactically I'm gonna have to get out of this one somehow ..

its far too cold to wear that round the office anyway...... and i dare not eat the chocolates he sent, but I'm sure the landlord will enjoy them ! I'm so thoughtful sometimes i know ......

got what i needed to do, done and now have my time out to look forward to, i need some 'me' time today badly, had a very late night/early morning and I'm feeling a little worn out today, too much vodka and too little food probably, i rather enjoyed myself too, except when the house sprang to life this morning and i didn't want to !

but I'm having a quiet one tonight to refresh , i have myself a pirate film ready ! and plan to do all those lovely girly things i am needing to do.........starting with a nice vodka, a good film, and some luxury items !!

sheer bliss and well needed ...............