Time to reflect

Its friday ... were nearly finished.....lol
Its my last day at the unit today, the weeks gone by in a blur , its been just getting through to today so i can finish the orders and get home.....

Were off out tonight for mexican food and a dance, its just whats needed after the last month so im looking forward to some time out....

Were both so tired, my fella struggled to get up this morning and ive got to go shopping after work so need to get done as early as possible..

Ive broke last years list in half and agreed with everyone that we will all just buy for the kids in the family, to be honest its the kids we do this for anyway so it only seems fair...

My kids are now thankfully all done, we went after work yesterday and managed to get them what we wanted to so i came home shattered but very happy, last year i had to get them something betwen them all to share, as things were hard at xmas but somehow weve swung it round so i could get something really nice each...

I went and saw my dad last night, i havent seen him for a while but i went to my grandparents who live next door and i could see dad through the window, ive wanted to go in for ages but couldnt, so last night my fella just took the lead, im glad we went.......he looked so lonely so we had a huge hug and a cuppa and hes now coming to spend a day with the kids next week, its been about 4 years since hes been to mine and hes only ever visited once in 9 years, its not good to let so much time go by, when my mum left or tobago he was so hurt he couldnt find the strength to talk to us kids, as he is by law my stepdad, so as mum hurt he pulled away from us girls too. its such a shame but he was in a pub once and a friend of mine overheard him slagging us girls off saying no doubt we would all turn out like our mum, i can understand how hurt he must have felt and how much pain he was in but that hurt me so much inside, he lost his wife, we lost our mum, but why push his kids away and loose them too, we were there to support and love him unconditionally..

So yesterday was the first time ive seen him since that day, he regrets everything he said , and i regret the amount of time we could have spent together and happy times with his grandkids, he was a good step dad to me and brought me up well with good morals, my real father sadly we only saw at the pub occasionally when we would have to sit in his car, while he drank pints and occasionally through a bag of crisps at us, so having watch one dad walk out on me at the age of 2, i really didnt want my Bob to go too... he may have lost our mum but he has his family here, weve always been here, we were all mourning the fact mum was going to move abroad and noone wanted things to change... but sadly some things do....
she wasnt happy... she didnt have much of a life, she worked all the hours god sent and her hubby was always out down the bookies.....so we cannot take sides or judge just be there for both parents..

Everyone deserves to be happy and sometimes we have to follow our hearts sometimes.........

Many hearts get broken, weve all been there and felt that pain and anger,but all we can hope for is that, as one chapter closes another will open for us....

Anyway its something positive for this xmas , ive got a dad back, even if i will only see him once a year .. its a start.. and something to build from...... and im sure four little people will be very happy to see their grandad this year..... he loves horses and his house is full of pictures of them so this year his grandaugher will be joining his wall, he doesnt even know we both ride yet, so it will be a wonderful gift that imsure will bring a few more tears to add to last nights..

Its never too late to change things ... its only when we give up we cant.....

xxx