Back to my Virtual Life

Slowly things are settling down this end, its been nothing but worrying, police interviews and various things ive needed to sort out, the good news is hopefully its getting settled, my son after 2 attempts to get him back to school actually came home yesterday smiling.. that is such a relief..

He went back to his limited new classes Monday only to walk into 4 of the brick throwers in his new class of 8 so as you can imagine it wasnt pleasant, he did me proud and held his head up even though they really were being total thugs, thankfully one call to the headteacher in disgust hes swiftly sorted that out, hes now been moved in with his best friends and is feeling much more settled, theres only so much you can ask a lad to put up with.. Even i was losing my temper!

Im still pursuing the other avenues of tuition though which have been advised to look at and its looking bright, im also waiting for my response from the board of governers to see where this so called 'anti bullying' and ' every childs entitled to an education' things about ~ we havent seen much of that from any count. Hopefully someone will answer some questions..

The lovely lad whos given my family so much grief decided he would press charges on my fella for going after him ~ isnt the world such a lovely place sometimes, he did try really hard to cause so much upset and indeed has given me so much grief but he didnt win.. lies always come out in the end like i tell my kids .. so i still believe that honesty is the best policy ...

This weeks been a bit of a strange one, I went riding on Monday to try and get rid of some frustration i was feeling and thankfully the horses came through for me again, this week i got a huge white horse called 'Ice' for my jumping lesson, I nearly sh8t myself ~ how the hell i managed to get him to jump, ill never know, but i came home feeling much more confident for going and alot happier inside ..even if i couldnt walk so well the next day ! :)

Today was my day to spend in hospital ~ as i had to cancel my last appointment so they rescheduled it for today and told me not to miss it , its not something i was looking forward to, but over the last few months Ive had bouts of blacking out and dizziness (see i am a genuine dizzy blonde!) without any alcohol involved too, so i had to get it checked out..

After spending a few hours being shaken like a cocktail, having hot water poured down my ears and eyes squirted while wearing the strangest of blackout camera goggles on my eyes.. they discovered that my balance sensors are not working like they hoped, one side seems to go to sleep when it wishes, which is when i start doing my 'shes gotta be pissed routine' they do think its all connected with the migraines i get, and they are what is causing the system to shut down, so Ive been given some new drugs to try so will wait and see whats next.

My doctor thought as much and knew of one other lady that had the same symptoms, sadly she wasn't diagnosed until she was walking home from a club one night on her own and had blacked out in a shop door, people were all walking past her thinking she was on drugs or drunk and took no notice, she was found in the morning beaten up... so I'm thankful that i did get to make today in better shape.. theres always a positive somewhere...

Ive been a guinea pig for years, trying just about every new drug out for these migraines, but sometimes it ends with a cyclamorphine jab in what arse i have, and put to sleep... you've heard of people opening their front doors looking worse for wear right? well Ive been there, done that, and forgotten all clothing including my t-shirt .. thank god it was a friend at the door that's all i'll say......hehe

They are made worse when I'm stressed (isn't that part amusing) my life like most peoples is full of the stuff ~ i have 4 kids, a fashion business to run and a fella that's a workaholic .... but i wouldn't change any of it for the world... I look on the migraines now as my shut downs, when i need to stop they always seem to appear, and make me do what I'm told for a change...

Vodka gives me bad headaches too, the only difference is, I get a little dancing done in between falling on the floor and the headache :)

Tonight I'm knackered, I'm left with not much sense today (as you can all read), i feel sick extremely not right and have to go for new stock tomorrow ! so I'm going to be a good girl and go to bed early.. before i become a nuisance..
As usual ............

Im looking forward to tomorrow..... It should be a good day...

Need Help

I've just been to pick up my sons school timetable today.. to say im worried is an understatement..

Hes got Wednesdays and Fridays at College on his Business diploma but this is what classes the school has given him for the normal GCSE's..... 6 lessons out of 15..

Does anyone have any advice? or know where i can get the books to help him in English and Maths?( im crap at english so will do this with him to help us both) .. These are all the classes the school is saying are available on the 3 days hes there,they are not even at the levels he was at, but perhaps thats a good thing.

Im willing to do whatever it takes to help here, but all the Xs are where he's got nothing on and has to come home to study, the library periods he has to go sit and study by himself as its in between 2 classes and he wont get back in time if he comes home... its a bit empty isnt it?

Now i bet that white streak in my hair gets bigger...

Ive heard of fighting for education but im going to need boxing gloves to help him out here....

Rabbit Caught in the Headlights

To say Ive been feeling a mess the last few days is an understatement...as much as i hate to admit it i was so out of my depth..

Im always up for having a go at things and like to live life as much as i can, but theres some parts of it that i don't understand or deal with so well. The law is one of them, i don't break it so never really had dealings with it...When i was with Geoff i had to call them out a lot but the ambulance usually followed suit and people were always there to help with that side of it, i didn't have to do anything really, just get away from him..

With the help of two of my friends over the last 2 days , Ive managed to wake up today feeling so much more positive in myself. I actually slept like a baby and feel like Ive got some energy today.

Because things were complicated and bad i wanted to hide under the duvet and hope it was all just a bad dream, sadly the nightmare was still there in daylight..

I was referred to yesterday as a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights (thank you.lol) but that's pretty accurate if I'm honest.. I was frightened and totally confused to what i should do, where to start or who i could talk to, the police matter Ive been trying to deal with has had me banging my head up against the wall, Ive shed more tears this week than i have in years.. but at least i can see clearer today..so that's a positive..

The good part is today i know where to go and who to talk to now. I have a list I'm working through to get our lives back on track here and in regards of my sons education I'm going to fight this all the way.. hopefully also regain some kind of inner peace for us both..

The basic story went as i described in my other blog, except the thug in question is pressing charges on my fella for assaulting him.. the stories changed so much over 4 days that i cant recognise most of it anymore, I'm sick of writing statements, very concerned statements that were made have disappeared and was scared that the policeman i was given was good friends with the thugs dad and was telling me all about him but wanted me to drop just about everything..................... its not a good situation to be in is it?

They are well known around here as a group that likes to rule the land and both have long histories of breaking just about every law going. the youngest is just 15 so of course he cant be locked up but the older body building brother should be and so should all the thugs that terrified me on Friday, why should i just leave it , they will do this to someone else........ they have already started !

Somehow through all this shit I'm hoping the law will prevail, but i had to deal with this officer first so i can now hopefully get some justice sorted out, the first lad was arrested last night but its not what i wanted to do, i had no choice as this family wants to make my family look like the guilty party.. its not right.

My sons education has been messed up beyond recognition now hes still off school for his own safely and yet the thug is back in class and already picking on another lad, my sons best friend.. what a little arsehole.. whatever are his parents like? Ive already seen the brother and hes bad enough.

Today i start that long list of trying to get this mess sorted out..

Ive wrote to the people above the school now as my sons 3 days at school have been cut to nothing... he shouldn't have been the one who had to move out of a class because he was being bullied surely! why? because this schools anti bullying policies and measures for the diploma are crap...

Anyone who reads this, if you have teenage kids and they are thinking of doing the diploma please look into it more deeply, the government have spent thousands pushing this as the new qualification to go for, my lad had to beat quite a few pupils and undertook 3 interviews to get on it, yet they stick all the kids, regardless of grades into an overspill class and that's where our problems started, they are forced to try and study with kids that don't give a shit about school who stabbed him in the head with compasses all through class, bricked my windows and threaten to stab him next, all in front of the so called teachers and its allowed...

These lads took work experience so they could get 2 days out of school and are proud to say that... Ive lost my respect for the so called head teacher who was too busy to attend an important meeting with me as he was playing squash in school hours? whats happened to Great Britain...

Not so great anymore is it...............

I had just finished signing a statement last night when i got a phone call from another lads mother in my sons class, she was crying her eyes out, her son had come home from school yesterday in tears, the same bullies are not doing exactly the same thing to him... so shes expecting what i got Tonight.... its not fair this should be stopped..

Anyway whatever the outcome, I'm not going to go away quietly anymore, I'm going to keep going, i have to... for my kids future.

Ive always told them to be good and that good wins over bad and I'm lucky that i do have 4 good kids whom i love more than life, but for the first time in a long while Ive got to deal with it alone..

My fellas not here to bail me out of help with this so Ive put my positive G string on today and am setting out to get this done..

Thanks to the help yesterday i don't feel so frightened today...

Still here

Just to let you all know i am still here....
Its been a nighmare of a week, so much shit keeps coming , i dont know how i feel tonight...except so tired with it all, its really got me down tonight, im blaming the headache gel and telling the kids im not crying, its that..
Ill fill you all in tomorrow ~ but tonight i just need to go to bed and hope tomorrows better.
My fellas away til saturday and im glad, im glad he hasnt had to listen to all the lies this week, One of us feeling like this is bad enough, i dont want him to have to, hes a good man and doesnt deserve the shit one little thug and its family is giving us..
Goodnight all, forgive me if i sound rude, im just really done in and totally dissapointed with it all.
Ive brought my kids up to respect and care and what we are surrounded by here is nothing but thugs...
will talk tomorrow..........

Emergencys

Last night my fella arrived home, to say i was pleased was an understatement, We just wanted a quiet night in so we could catch up on whats been happening both ends ~ if only life was that simple....

I have wrote previously about the group of yobs that my eldest son is having to put up with in his classes outside of this diploma thing and now i can see exactly what hes having to put up with..

I was upstairs in my sons room sorting out when we could hear a gang of lads outside our house, looking out i could see there was about 8 of them at the time, i could hear them saying things about our lad and heard one lad say ill stab the bastard! then all of a sudden a huge brick gets thrown at our car window and they all run off... I shouted down to my fella and we both went outside, thankfully the window didn't smash but there was brick everywhere it had smashed into 4 or 5 bits and was all over the bonnet, my fella being my fella is having non of it, once my eldest son told him what this so called lad had been threatening to stab him at school in class today too, that was it ~ into the car he went with Ryan to go find them....

At this point i picked up the phone and dialed 999 ~ I was explaining on the phone to the lady what was happening and she had promised me a squad car was on its way, meanwhile my fella comes back, he had caught up with the group and had warned the ringleader that we wouldn't put up with thuggish behaviour from him or anyone and he let him go... I thought that was it !

In the next few Min's we could hear a crowd coming up the road shouting, so i ran upstairs to see what was happening, i told the police i could hear a gang so she told me to stay on the line and talk her through it ~ not much to say except this lads brother and about 30 of his mates decided they would come beat up my fella for tackling his younger brother ~ i had a gang of them one side of the door ~ the kids screaming and crying upstairs as they were out in the front garden and my fella trying to get outside to defend his family~ i haven't shook that much since Geoff.

I was on that phone to the emergency services for 18 mins before a team of cars and vans got here, the whole street was filled with blue and white lights, trying to break up the gang, if i had of been on my own i don't know what id have done, hed only been home about 2 hours..

This went on into the night til past 1.30am with police interviewing neighbours, i honestly thought they would take away my fella as he shouldn't have gone after them initially but what do you do when someone comes into your drive, smashes up your property and threatens to stab your kid?

After speaking to the police who i must say were really lovely, they brought in a female officer, im not sure if it was to calm me and the kids down but she did a good job, the main officer was brilliant with my fella and basically put our mind at rest that he'd been to see the initial groups parents and that the lad over dramatised what happened when my fella caught up with him, none of their stories matched up and one actually admitted they had come to cause trouble, but what started with a school messing up here escalated into something very very nasty last night..

The police have told us to either keep our lad off school Monday and demand that the classes get split up and given us various numbers to phone to help us here..

Needless to say i didn't sleep a wink, i was waiting for them to come back all night, what will happen tonight is any ones guess, but one things for sure..

Ive got to spend nights here on my own now with last night going round my head, all because of what? a bloody education system that's failed so many children and managed to cause a riot in one of the kids homes last night..

I am supposed to be going into hospital Monday afternoon, and the kids were getting their own keys to come home from school with my eldest, but I'm sitting here this morning thinking i need to cancel..

Determined

I think the last two days have been one of the most physical challenges Ive ever had, everything is everywhere here, I cant move! once id started ripping wardrobes apart there was no going back ~ i wished at the time i hadn't started it, talk about heavy... i didn't account for how i was going to get the heavy stuff down the stairs did i, or moving metal bunk beds from one end of the room to the other, my fellas usually here when i do stupid things like this... I'm not sure how i achieved that one, but i think i got so annoyed with the mess id made that it created some determination energy so i was able to drag the bugger.

Theres at least a skip full of rubbish outside now to greet my fella when he gets back, but so much stuff prepared thats hitting the boot sale and auction houses Saturday and Sunday, where did it all fit in here?

I know when my fella gets home Saturday I'm going to get one almighty bollocking for doing this but the majority of mess should hopefully be clear by then, hes working away so i cant keep putting it off and I'm an impatient bugger when i get something in my head like clearing out my house .. its a woman thing..

I have to be honest though, I didn't realise how much i was going to find up there today, im not sure i would have tacked that had i have known, but thats another lesson ive learnt... the hard way.....

The most amusing thing ive found so far is a big paddling/swimming pool, still in its packing and sealed ? but I have a shingle garden? I cannot remember when or where i had that mad impulse... but i need my head examined, if it was me... i'll blame him and giggle at that one..lol

Today i decided to pop my head in the attic ~ just so i could see how much was up there .. dont do that anyone, once i became involved with 'oh! whats that' that was it! 7 hours later and poor Sandra nearly worked to death im still up to my neck in crap, baby clothes and all types of wondrous things that we bought/got given or miraculously just appeared in my home.. how many different variations of corksrews do we actually need?

Ive found 9 bin bags of sample items up there i didn't know i even had at all ...

Its come to that part of the night (22.30) that i cant do anymore today, ive had a packet of outer spacers for tea tonight and have hit a brick wall in regards of energy.. im turning to strong coffee and ciggies now to stay awake and know its time to call it a night....

Tomorrows another day ~ hopefully ill wake up energised and get packed whats all round the lounge, kitchen,hall and up the stairs and then if i can find enough motivation start Ryan's room......................

I haven't done this for years ~ but Ive got the feeling this will all feel worthwhile when its done..

Tonight im just feeling knackered ...

Madness

Talk about clearing out, I couldn't believe what my daughter has been hoarding in her bedroom. I found everything from half eaten biscuits, a cheese sandwich that you could knock a hole in the wall with and endless bags of clothes all rolled up into bags hidden? the mind boggles....

I eventually finished cleaning at 8.30pm ~ that was just one room though! but 6 bin bags later and several swear words that apparently my neighbour could hear through out the day, I'm pleased to say I made the start..

My fella phoned and woke me at 10pm... I think he thought i was joking when i said i was in bed, yesterday was harder than riding and salsa back to back, the room is now ready to paint and I have one very happy little girl, who says she will make me tea all year, for what Ive done!! a brandy would be more useful to take away the backache..lol

Today i have to send off the orders first, Ive already done emails, fill the car up with petrol before it breaks down on me and try and juggle the day ~ I'm taking on the boys room today which means i have wardrobes to dismantle on top of cleaning, but Ive got the first 2 kids home at 4.00 so I'm on limited time today, I then have to pick eldest up at 4.30 from college then back to pick Brandon up from high school at 5pm, hes on a school trip today! its then back here feed the lot and be ready to cut and colour my aunts hair by 6pm tonight and "can i slot in her fella in between for a hair cut" too!................ god help me, why do i always say yes ~ when my heads saying i cant fit it all this in today! how the hell am i going to manage this lot?

Right rant over so its time for a quick cuppa and house work hopefully in 30Min's flat as they will only wreck it tonight again anyway, then its time to crack on and have a go.. I'm still wearing the same combats from yesterday, i need a shower and Ive got no hope in hell have I !

God i miss my fella........ its not any easier for him by the sounds of it either..

Thank god for weekends........

De Clutter

Its day 1 of my getting rid of everything and getting up to date with my work week, My fellas sadly gone off to work again for the week so im trying to keep myself busy, not sure yet if hes able to get back for salsa, but ive decided this week im going regardless, even if it means me going alone.. I can do this.......
Today i am starting with the kids rooms so expecting to be up to my neck in 'it' .. what exactly 'It' is yet i don't know ~ knowing my boys im going to find all sorts of wondrous (or not so) things up there behind those wardrobes........yuk

Last night was really good, its Monday so my riding night! As you can see in my photos below i got Jack! I have to say he was really good for me, Ive made my mind up i need to get to grips and conquer this horse before moving onto anything bigger, judging how stiff i am this morning already, i need more practise......
I was chatting to Claire walking the horses back through the fields and what she said made so much sense, I can think up there so always come home deep in thought. I need to get everything up and how it was, to ever be able to forfill my dreams there.. I dont like big businesses, ive been there and wore that T-shirt and found that the stress levels came with it, so i need to find a balance.. somewhere in between now and then i think...
So im going to try and achieve just that ...
So this week is the start of how i need to go on..... clear out the clutter and make room for the new things coming.....
Hopefully my cloudy period will pass now so i can move myself on too with it .......

Brown Eyed Girl: Patrick Swayze and his wife Dance

Brown Eyed Girl: Patrick Swayze and his wife Dance

The sad news today is an inspiration to many of us Patrick Swayze has sadly lost his battle to cancer on Monday 14Th Sept 2009.
Like many good people, he was taken before his time..but showed so much courage in his fight.

R.I.P Patrick... You will be sadly missed

Jack and Jo

Jack and Jo up Redhalls School,

He's usually 'oh so crappy'..

But Jack was good and broke that mould,

So tonight Jos feeling happy...

Goodnight all.............

Bits and Pieces

Its been a pleasant weekend, Ive caught up on some badly needed sleep, slept through the DVDs id hired out (they were apparently rubbish anyway) but thanks to my fella have shed some of those blue feelings that had crept up on me this week, its not often i get like this, but somehow he always manages to pull me out of it.. The kids call them dads pep talks, I call them need to feel positive talks...he always is! he also seems to know when i need one thankfully...

I took Lauren riding on Saturday for her lesson and ended up having a really good time, theres a chap up there who has been watching us ride recently, who last week came in and took part of our class, so i realised why hes been watching us, hes got some really good ideas we are all going to get to try out and yesterday managed to turn the 1 hour time slot i usually spend watching Lauren into something really peaceful as he took me with him through the fields to introduce me to some of those horses we don't usually get to see, hes taking over from Kevin when he goes away on holiday, but has promised me i can ride Sebastian in his first class ~ talk about excited!

Ever since i first went to this school Ive been looking at this horse thinking ~ I wish ! hes so huge and beautiful, so to say I'm shocked is an understatement, you will all get to see him as hes promised to photo him for me, as this is a moment i want to capture in a poster to add to my wall.. it will certainly make me smile when i look up at that one..

So whatever the outcome will be, or regardless of how good i can ride him its 'too good an opportunity to miss' for me......... if i fall on this horse, it sure is a long way down, so ill just enjoy the moment and remember to not look down......... :)

Although its Sunday today, Lauren has just roped me into sorting her bedroom out ~ so with bin bags at hand I'm going to disappear into the abyss and look forward to the meal my fellas cooking down here..

Ive decided this week, one day at a time I'm working through every cupboard, the attic and shed and intend spending next weekend getting rid of as much as possible, I want the space to start the kids bedrooms and at the moment you'd be lucky to find room to fit a paintbrush in this place......

Ive got riding Monday which i always look forward to and Thursday its salsa, so that doesn't leave much free time to do this after kids, work and school meetings, so no time like the present I say...

Its done us good this weekend, i badly needed to get some motivation and find some happy thoughts but thanks to my fella, Ive managed to finish the week in one piece, not in bits like i felt yesterday...

Thank You.........

Frustration

Well we got through the first week of mass changes, the kids are all tired this morning, I knew they would probably get to Friday and really feel it, I think we all are if im honest...

Its been everything from school to boys brigade, they are moving up groups everywhere, its exciting for them but if they are anything like me also hard, ive always been a pain in the arse when it comes to some changes, just ask my fella! hes hiding up this morning working already..

I struggle to let go of things and mentally suffer inside, I know thats how the world has to work so will go along with whatever is hurled, but sometimes it doesn't come easy..

Between us we are pushing the education system and taking it on head on, its wrong what they are doing to kids on these diplomas, especially when it all comes down to is those dreaded budgets, so expect to see me in the papers soon, I WONT quit on getting the best education for my son, hearing it from the horses mouth yesterday about the lads they have in my sons group just pushes me on, hes A grade and is in with F grades because hes out of school for 2 days , its utter madness, they don't want to be at school so opted for garage experience etc, hes there because he wants to learn up and above so wheres the fair in that.. he WILL and CAN do both the diploma and the GCSEs and will hold his own in his A groups, ill make sure of that, so they will just have to make up that one to one timetable one guy told me is so hard to do....... I dont give a shit, its his job to sort this out, his tutors agrees with Ryan and are backing me on this , its just one teacher who says he cant find the time to juggle my son about in classes so he can work at proving this system is flawed......because it is...... watch this space, they are holding a meeting this morning, so hopefully will make him come to his senses, its not for 300 pupils here, theres just one lad there doing the diploma this year, but this hasn't been thought out properly and more young people will take these steps next year so it needs to be addressed, im sick of walking away quietly when I should have shouted out loud, especially when people were so wrong, but i wont back down anymore.......I wouldn't be a good mum if i did......and I am that, if nothing else..

Im tired this morning ~ can you tell ? ..hehe

Anyway ill get this sorted out, I always work best when im pissed off, sometimes it takes that to get me into gear and into gear I definitely am.....

This week: Well its just been a blur of meetings appointments and lifts to just about everywhere, I feel a bit like a taxi driver on a never ending journey thats running out of petrol,

My tyres are slightly deflating this morning, and i need a car wash badly! :)

Today i intend to do just that after i have packed todays orders, cleaned up the mess that im sure i did yesterday and got through the emails, im trying to hold on to my fella today, as to be honest i need someone to talk to apart from kids and teachers.. but hes got work to do and i know it, so i think im on a losing streak with that thought.......

On the positive side it was salsa last night, i had such a sore arse, every movement had my jeans rubbing on my lack of skin bum cheek, but it always manages to bring a smile and change my mind frame, im sure Richard knows when to play Willy (it is my favourite salsa song) i could feel a difference in my fella too, its like something we lost, poked its head round the corner and shouted hello guys where have you been.... hes had to digest so much information over the last couple of months that i completely understood when he said he couldn't remember any of his moves, its so tormenting sitting there having to watch when you just want to get up and do it! his heads pretty much full at the moment so im going to do what he always does with me when im like that and show some patience and understanding..

Last night we didnt think of anything except there and then and had such a good night, I love being up there with our friends and don't want to lose it ~ Another thing ill fight for tooth and nail.. Whatever is coming at you in life it doesn't matter there, a hug from Sharon and the girls manages to find that part of Jo i have tended to keep hidden recently....... apart from that and my riding we dont go out at all, so i don't care how busy work is or how full up our heads are, they are two things in my life, i wont change....

The weekend im spending some quiet time with my fella and kids, they need help with homework, he needs time with me and i need the lot of them as im feeling pretty needy this week............ Monday hes off again on business so im going to make the most of every moment this weekend brings and relax ..

Monday those paint brushes are coming back out! Ive got a photographer doing the photos for new gear shortly, so if i keep painting, dancing and riding i may actually get a waistline to work with for a change...

Im not sure what im painting yet but theres lots to chose from so ill pull straws and try to make it fun .. no doubt if i pick one of the kids rooms before another it will be wrong and cause a row, so ill leave it to the straws to decide...

Have a good day everyone.......

Dreaming

God were halfway through the week already, where is the time going?

Ive just dropped my eldest off for his first day at college, i must say i felt so proud, hes taller than me now and looked so smart, I know hes nervous as hes just like his dad in how he deals with things so i was trying to reassure him everyone else in there today will be feeling the same, he says it was a mixture of excitement and nerves, so hopefully by tonight he'll have settled in and will come home happy, its certainly been a nerve wracking one this week, every night theres been something to sort out...

The good news my fella is coming home tonight so I'm really pleased, i had the most bizarre dream last night that had me wake up sweating hot crying my eyes out, it wasn't nice so ive obviously got things playing on my mind. At least ill be able to wake him up now, i couldn't go back to sleep!

Today I'm contemplating doing a stock take as soon as Ive done today's orders, so if i don't get on with them i wont get much done, yesterday i managed to do everything i set out to so today i don't want any different..Its salsa tomorrow and I'm hoping we can have a little practise time together, hes got so much going round in his head at the moment and is absorbing so much stuff hes forgotten most of his moves, its been a problem for a few weeks for us but not something we cant change... even the best of them need some time out you know..hehe

Anyway i hope everyone has a good day, I'm hopefully going to be flying about like a loony again today.. at least ill sleep properly tonight..

If hes away again next week i may just have to get those paint brushes out again !

Dilemmas and Diplomas

Well Its been another eventful day ~ what is going on with my lot! I thought parenting was supposed to get easier when they get older? its not ~ the hurdles just change from tantrums and growing up to teenage hormones and right decisions, this is one hurdle i know I'm going to get another 3 times over, so i want to get this as right as can....

The triplets managed to come home from school nicely today, not via the chickens, thanks to Ryan... lol i had to keep thanking him about walking the 'tribe' home though, so no doubt he will milk it.
The good news is they had a great day, all ate dinner properly and not bought slush puppies with the £8.00 lunch money i have to send every day, to say i was annoyed at them yesterday was an understatement, they said it was because they thought it was the canteen :) but Ryan showed them the way today so there is no more of that happening ~ I Hope.. slush puppies aren't really food kids, even when you try to convince me otherwise... even im not that blonde

Im trying to sort out Ryans diploma and GCSE placing, which is proving to be a concern, after speaking to an assortment of i must say really good teachers today i have been filled in for the whole story as to why the good students are being made to work with the not so good ones, its not as simple as i hoped.
Basically when the diplomas came in this year they had based them on last years students who were attending work experience for the same amount of time out of school ( 2 days a week) which meant the students were down 2 days of class room attendance away from their friends who were doing the standard GCSEs... The results showed that on the 6 students that took part only 1 passed, and her grades weren't as good as her ability had shown she could do.... so the school made the rule that if they are doing work placement or diplomas then they go into the overspill class and not into the class that they would have been in originally placed in automatically through their marks and grades....
I can see their point in ways, they don't want to put too much pressure on them, but what do you do when your child has been put into a class that's way below his ability and he feels will hold him back? he says hes there to learn and wants to be in the top maths etc hes supposed to be in, his words were " I worked hard for my top marks and deserve to be there, why should i be in with ones that don't care because I'm trying to get extra grades?"

My son got top marks in nearly all his tests and yet has been put into a group of students that the headteacher admitted to me today, don't really partake in classroom learning activities " they are more hands on students wishing to do apprenticeships" so basically you've now got top rate students in with the ones who just want 'out of school' why?... because they don't feel they can do both well?

Because last years studies had shown that they don't think the pupils can achieve the diploma as well as take on all the other GCSEs on top... its been a thought provoking day..

I do not want to push my son into anything, i hope and encourage him to make the right decisions for him only , as long as he feels hes done his best, its all i can wish for, but he doesn't agree with what the school is saying...and wants to have a go at doing both, but in his groups where he should be.........

So today Ive had in depth conversations with his tutors to see if they think hes capable of taking all this work on without compromising his marks or pushing more work than what hes capable of doing.. its a hard one.

After speaking to him there is no doubt in my mind he wants to do this, he wants to do all the qualifications even though it means he will have double work and will have to attend extra lessons after school to make up for the two lost school days, on top of that he will have to do the diploma work which means another 8 GCSEs on top of the normal ones to work at! GOD HES SO MUCH LIKE HIS FATHER ISN'T HE!!! im prepared for what was left of my hair to turn white now too...

I really admire the fact hes up for this, but like Ive been explaining to him tonight, words are easy..... getting stuck in, day in day out, is the only thing that's going to allow him to cut this and he has to know what hes taking on here.. so Ive been trying to talk him out of it for all the right reasons (but also to see how much he really wants this) as hes not backing down one inch... :)

Hes the only pupil from Sprowston high that's doing this diploma, so like hes pointed out tonight, this could pave the way for future pupils who are going to be stuck in overspill classes like he is at the moment if they choose to take the diploma option... so its also a valid point.

Ive spoken to his dad by phone and explained whats proposed and hes backing Ryan 100% even to the point of working with him each night to support him in his best subjects, so it looks like I'm going to get the science homework to work with him on..lol god knows how but i got the highest grades in my high school for that, and french i will also learn as he does, we both know enough basics so hopefully we can make it enjoyable and take him to Paris with us when i go for stock, if he can see ahead it may just help to inspire him through this.
My head is spinning tonight, i will back him of course as i do believe he will genuinely do whatever it takes to do this, but ill also be there for him when he gets tired and hopefully give him the support hes going to need, it wasn't my little boy that made these decisions tonight it was my grown up son... my god didn't i see that clearly ..Talk about proud.....

If hes got half of my blood, he wont quit at anything and from his dad has inherited that thirst for knowledge, then I'm sure he'll do this..
I keep telling him to live his life to the max and just go for things.. so hats off to him..
I'm enjoying being a parent of a teenager more than i ever thought possible.......
I just hope he doesn't know more than me when it comes to mums night of tutoring......lol

Journeys

Its been a bit hectic here as usual, yesterday was utter madness as i had two lots of riding as well as packing orders and getting the house straight (ill never manage that one) everything was put off until 'Monday' as the kids started high school so i finally got some time to myself to put everything into order..

The riding went really well, we couldn't have our usual teacher for the jumping lesson but instead had a lady called 'Jo' shes old school and really pushed me and Jean , which was brilliant! I managed to get solomon into canter for every jump so came home really pleased, the lesson was such a quick pace but really exciting, when i came home i kept thinking something was stuck in my jodhpurs as i had a sore patch....hmmmm What it really was was a huge patch of bum that id wore the skin off.................hehe

So after an hour of my fella taking the mickey i elastoplastered myself up and went back for my group lesson and told him i was aiming to do the other side to match......

Its back to a few days of myself again today, my fella left very early this morning so im trying to get everything into gear starting with the Dr's as they keep sending me snotty letters telling me to go in urgently.... Ive let them send me 2 then reluctantly went this morning, you can get ill going in those places, everyone is coughing or sneezing, bugger that! They want to use me as a guinea pig and have started me on new medication until they have me in on the 21st for my 'tests' ive been warned that ill need help when i come out as ill be in a state..... lol nothing new there then ! they believe initially that the blackouts im having are all to do with the migraines, the big word for it is migrainous vertigo... but i wont use big words in this blog!

Ive got to start one a day for a week then increase one each week til i get to 4 a day.. and hopefully it should help stop the dizzy blonde impressions I'm doing.... I cant change my hair colour as half of its natural now and boy arent i giving all those blonde jokes ammunition at the moment....

School yesterday went off to a flying start.. My eldest came home before the others complaining there were kids in his class that are disruptive and not there to learn (they were being disrespectful to the teacher and out of order) and he wants out of their classes, so i spoke to the headteacher and thankfully they are trying to move him out, he may be a bit more pushed in regards of doing these other classes as well as the business diploma, but that's what he wants to do.. so i will support him all i can and get him into the right ones.. my fellas not having any of it and says that our kids will get the education they deserve so is going to see head of year on Thursday when he gets back....

The triplets on the other hand managed to have me pulling my hair out again! they didn't come home from school ? i sat here with dinner waiting and no kids.. After an hour i was panicking so walked up to school, thinking id meet them somewhere on route ~ how wrong was i...

After an hour walking the streets in jodhpur boots that were killing my feet (more blisters) the high school kindly phoned my home to discover they were home and i was at the school! they had took a detour to their old school to feed the chickens !!

Last year the school took in a lot of chickens that were going to be killed and my daughter being as soppy as me has really taken to them so goes to visit them everyday, i told them to come straight home, not worry me to death and go play with the buggers first... I wish i had a bigger garden as id get her some but at the moment my house is already mad and dogs chasing chickens round the garden ontop sadly cant happen.. so when we get a bigger house Lauren! it will come.................

My fellas got so much exciting stuff going on at the moment and today im sitting here with my heart in my mouth in hope.......... Im not allowed to say what it is only that if today and tomorrow go good, our lives will change beyond belief.............. I know you have to hit rock bottom sometimes to be able to go up and believe me we have been there, but life has a way of going round in circles doesn't it, what was once upon a time maybe no more..... im really excited..

It wont just be his business either, we have so many plans but this could be the difference of those dreams turning into reality for us..

Ive been sitting here this morning listening to Leona Lewis's new song 'Happy' god why is it sometimes you can hear something and think that's so true...

We all get bruised and bumped about in life, but if you don't take those chances the risk will never pay off.... ive been telling myself that for the last 2 years..

So that song today has definitely struck a chord.. ill be buying her album, singing away to that one and putting my kids through what they did to me yesterday thats for sure now.......

Hopefully tonights homecoming will be slightly less stressful...

Leona Lewis - Happy (lyrics)

Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours" LIVE (Official RMTV Acoustic)

This has to be summer 2009s song...

Grandfathers Clock

What a strange feeling ive woke up with today, ill try to explain but this one will have you all thinking..

Last night we were going to the Keir Hardy to salsa and meet our friends but my fella and me were engrossed in a conversation up the table so kinda lost track of the time, well thats when it happened. We have a clock hanging in our hall, not just any clock it was steves grandads clock, so very personal to him, inside we have a photo of his grandparents and i often talk to them as i polish it, call me superstitious, yes youd be right, but ive heard so many good stories about them and know how much they inspire my fella so its only right i tell them the day to day things hes doing as i potter about doing my daily chores.. the only thing is the pendulum has never swung, no matter what i do to it it always stops within seconds..me and sadra were trying to make it work again just last week, but failed dismally again, it swung for a few seconds then nothing, its kind of an omen in our house as once before a few years back it just decided to start swinging all by itself... (imagine the xfiles music now)

Well last night we got a phone call, which brought some exciting news, right in the middle of our conversation about the future, my fella was pacing the kitchen like a dog , which made me giggle as we were talking about the exact thing when our friend called, how strange is that?

Anyway he put the phone down told me what the news was and put the phone down happily, his words were I told you that big things are happening, they certainly are..

Just at that moment i said about his grandad and how proud he would be of him and guess what happened? yep!

The grandfather clocked started working, i looked up to see the pendulum swinging away in its full glory...

Some things i do believe are fate, we dont have answers to everything or reasons why..

All i can say is that walking into the oasis that night was meant to be, its brought so much to our lives in such a short space of time, and i think the clock was trying to tell us something...

Perhaps i will get my own horse one day afterall...........................

Size Doesnt Matter

Is it morning already......

I feel like i need to go back to bed today, Ive had 6 hours which is plenty but it feels more like 2.

Last night i got to do another double lesson at riding, for the first hour i was on Pip who behaved impeccably for me again, i found out yesterday that hes lost his sight in one eye and only has limited sight in his other, that explains why sometimes he startles at things, he likes his reins short and flaps his head about if you don't, now i know its because he relys on us to be his eyes and needs to feel every move, i love this little horse, why is it always the good ones... He was kicked in the head a few years ago by one of the other horses out in the fields and had a fractured skull, i knew he didn't have perfect sight as he occasionally trips when he hack out, but hes so happy and loves being ridden so we just have to make sure we get it right for him, i overheard 2 of the girls last night talking about teaming up and getting him on loan, id be so sick if i couldn't ride him anymore, I don't have enough coming in to be able to do that so its down to the money thing again, doesn't it piss you off sometimes, I couldn't find 40 quid a week to get him out of the school, I wish i could, so I'm hoping that lottery ticket comes in soon and they don't get him just yet, although i want him out of the classes too, so its whats best for him i should be thinking about, I'm just being selfish wanting him myself and shouldn't think like that..hes well loved up there by us all...

Anyway the first part went really well we came back both excited and flew around that arena again, i wasn't sure who i'd got for the second lesson but had to giggle, as it went from one extreme to the other, from Pip the little white horse to Solomon, who's a huge black horse with massive feet (imagine a plough pulling horse and you'd be ontrack) i also use him in my jumping classes, how weird did that feel though going from one to another like that, you get used to a certain size, so changing onto a massive horse made me laugh, i cant hardly move my legs this morning, but am not telling my fella, he will only say i shouldn't ride for 2.5 hours but id be riding all day if i had the chance, bugger sore legs its worth it...

The good thing is Karen wanted to see how my legs were progressing as Ive rode Pip now for a good few weeks, hes helped me with my transition and leg work so Solomon was going to test it out.

He was responding really well, always went into trot and did his circles lovely for me, but its the canter Ive been struggling with, on these bigger horses, i pulled my legs back more on him and sat way back deep in my seat, but it felt huge, its like sitting on a slippery seat that doesn't fit your arse on a plane (been there done that too) i keep sliding forward. The surprise was all this riding's paying off, every time i asked canter he gave it, its the first lesson where i was able to keep up with the hardened riders up there and hold my head up high for once...

Riding back through the rain had me deep in thought, the flood lights were on, the raindrops looked like they were lit up and dancing..

I closed my eyes just for a second, felt that rain on my skin and sighed ...

I think its my way of finding peace................