Blood

Its been an emotional week this end, we are trying to open new doors and test a market so it may help someone i would love to work with, shes a great girl and so tallented and i for one would love to be able to help so im trying to open a new door in the workplace...

We went to a salsa night friday it was brilliant, its taken me years to get my fella to dance classes and he loves it , so when we were asked if we would like to go along we went, it was a great night, i saw a woman dance that would make your mouth open she was simply amazing and has inspired me enormously now to stick this out..

riding went well although i spent most of the lesson worrying about lauren without need, last week shook me up, its built in us to protect our kids and i felt so useless not being able to help when she came off, she went back this week smiling and didnt let it get to her so im really proud she didnt quit.. the idea of riding was to spend some time together as we work such ridiculas hours here i wanted us both to look forward to something, the boys now want to learn too.. (this will cost me im gonna have to swap clothes for lessons again now) its the only way i could manage it....

Anyway i wanted to write about something completely different today as its been playing on my mind all day, for those of you that know me know i didnt have my dad with me as i was growing up and it was really hard, i wondered so much about things and couldmt work out why he went, i was lucky as i had a step dad that kept trying to help me..

When i met my partner he already had a young son Dayle, who used to come to our house every weekend to stay , we both loved having him with us, he was bright always smiling and such a lovely kid, i took a real shine to him and was glad that he came to stay, but sadly situations were made inpossible for him to keep coming, my fella was so upset, and tried everything he could to keep the contact,we all did, but sadly with any relationship it can get very upsetting and bitter, and very sadly thats how it ended up, the child was caught in the middle and used to hurt the father, weeks when we went to pick him up she wouldnt let us have him, or would be out so we couldnt come, it was so cruel, and it hurt us all, but we hoped there would come a day when he was old enough when hopefully he would come to us.......

Last night my partner got a phone call, it was Dayle, i know my fella hoped he would call, so he could talk to him, he must have so many unanswered questions and its his right to know about his dad, so they got talking, ive never seen my fella look so nervous but hes been keeping this in for years, so it is understandable, many nights weve sat here talking about it feeling totally distraught that we couldnt do more... I really feel for both of them..

I know what it feels like from both sides and if things get difficult in a relationship its always the kids that suffer.. its so wrong and cruel to all involved..

Anyway today they met up, for the first time in 9 years, i am really hoping that they can both build their bridges and get to know each other now, it just seems such a shame all those years have gone by that they could have enjoyed being together..

Time has a way of always coming back round and helping wounds heal, so i hope today something good may happen and two people that should have never been torn apart can get to start again, my partners a real good man, 16 years with him has taught me that id never find another so kind considerate and loving, hes also a very good dad, if hes allowed to be given the chance, so if you are reading this Dayle.. please give it to him, you wont look back and will see how special he really is...

We all get told stories about people, its nobodys fault, people get bitter when they lose something they love and the years turns that bitterness into a blur of what really happened, i can understand that, ive been hurt so badly in the past i didnt ever want to go near another guy and tarred them all with the same brush, but time heals and i learnt that all men are not the same..

Giving someone a chance can't give back all the years you have missed i know, but it can make new memories and theres a family here including me that would welcome you with open arms...

They all know about their brother and would love to see you, its not a case of youve been forgotten and not loved, my man, so dont ever doubt yourself , we never doubted you.........

Our door is always open to you and your dad will always be just that .........your dad...