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Decided to play dot to dot last night with the ambulance guys, another morning of waking up covered in heart monitor stickies.. they asked me to leave them on overnight in case i needed any more call outs.. I hate this.
Im torn between the devil and the deep blue sea. My fella said as soon as i started to feel unwell i have to let him know, the packing took me all afternoon, i was really tired by the end of it and really grouchy, one of the parcels wasnt paid by paypal and a couple of important letters were in with my book so i couldnt send the kids with the parcels as normal, there were too many for them to carry, so my fella said we would go together, i just wanted to sit down by then, and couldnt.. As soon as we returned and pulled up in the drive i started to feel unwell, the blood just drained from my arms and head again like emptying a swimming pool quickly, I just sat there shuddering with cold.. I came in layed on the sofa and hoped it would go away, all the way through my fella kept asking me should he call an ambulance, he was really not helping me relax, he wants them to be here when i get these so we get ecg readings, but i dont know if its gonna be a full blown one or like last nights milder form without the chest pain.. you get about 10 seconds of that pain starting and and being unciousous thats all.. its so hard for him i know, but i have to keep calm not panic, I really dont know if its gonna escalate or not til it happens.. Thankfully last nights episode did leave.. The ambulance crew were bloody brilliant and sat here with me til he finished his shift, they wanted to take me in but said the same things likely to happen again, ill be sent home until i see this specialist on monday. The ambulance crew are better than the hospital guys by far.. I got upset which i dont normally do with these but they really helped to calm me down and reassure that he was here with me whatever .. He also showed my fella not to panic or stress me out by keep asking me whats happening... That could indeed make these worse and escalate them .. I keep asking him to just sit with me and hold my hand, im trying to stay calm and find a nice place in my head, if you sit there waiting and reporting back every second of what it feels like, surely thats concentrating on the wrong parts... Im sitting in my woods surrounded by blue bells in my head, feeling the breeze on my face.......... and thats how i need to think..