Keep Pumping

My Dr just phoned to put my fella out of his misery, he went on and on about me speaking to the Dr about my next period, hes obviously worried so i did phone him. They are saying as hes read all my hospital records this morning that it is my heart stopping and not just down to blood pressure, that could trigger it but they think it could be the wiring to the heart as the records put it.. I can feel it missing beats and then going like the clappers,so im behaving myself til i get that monitor on tomorrow...
My diet seems to be helping as i haven't had any more seizures now for 9 days which is brilliant.. trouble is they need to sort out whatever's doing this, im helping myself with downsizing all the work i usually do and eating and drinking healthy.. I feel like my stomachs the turbulent sea most days as im having to drink so much water, they said it will pass and that once my body knows im going to keep drinking, it wont hold onto it so much, so i wont feel so full all the time like i do at the moment...Its hard to want to eat after you have drunk gallons of the stuff..Im not hungry at all
Today i am going to do my hair! I wanted to yesterday but if im honest i didnt feel too sharp and as im on my own here all day i have to be careful, so i sat down and didnt do it.. Ive had a few seizures where ive gone down really hard and cracked my head and body.. its taken 2 weeks for the bruises to start disappearing...I cant do photos looking like i did...
Im itching to get back riding and to salsa. I went on Thursday to see the guys and it was hard not being able to get up there and enjoy myself..I did have one dance with gerry and one with steve but wouldnt push my luck. Sharon and Steve agreed that i could go in with the beginners class as sharon's a nurse and can take care of me if i do hit the deck.. so it was a very easy layed back class.. I really enjoyed it.
Ive made Steve promise that no matter what happens if i go down again he will get my heart working, it does seem to restart itself at the moment which is great, but just in case the worst happens, i need to know he will do whats needed and not panic. Ryan said he just sat there holding me, crying shouting for an ambulance.. that's not whats needed, you have to think calm and if needed break a few ribs to get it going again, they taught me that when Brandon used to have apnea's, pain is the easiest way to get a response, short of having a defibrillator on hand... Dr bennett was lovely this morning and has told me if i get any problems today to ring the surgery straight away, he will come, as my fella has to catch a bus home.. They are saying to let this period come as normal, the monitor will tape whats happening and although it will lower the blood pressure again it should also make my heart pump faster.. they dont seem to be sure yet, whats happening just that the heart is slowing down and sometimes stopping.. Gives new meaning to being unpredictable.. Noone seems to know..
I prefer to think its blood pressure.. I can help that myself.. I dont want to go back into hospital so need to feel i can help myself here..Im doing something right as im feeling much better than i was.
Ive managed to gain 3 pounds in weight which my fellas pleased about, its probably all the lemon water im holding butI wont tell him that.. I got so sick of drs telling me im underweight as they couldnt get canula's in my arms,.. am i fuck! ive always been this way, its just everyone in those places are usually obese who have dodgy hearts.. Knowing my luck they will ask me to start smoking soon as its good for me...
Call me superstitous, but ive been carrying the little heart everywhere with me that Fay gave me just before she died.. Did she know?
She gave me a purse as she said it would help me financially, and inside was a hand carved pink crystal polished heart about the size of a 50p peice.. I keep looking at it wondering why she choose to give me that.....
Funny olde world isn't it............