Back from Hibernation

After taking some time out, i feel much better in myself.. Quite a bit has happened which i will fill you all in about as i go day to day now.. sorry i wasn't in if you knocked guys..

Where do i start? Christmas was fine, it was quiet and peaceful (ish) my fella and me laid low and enjoyed some time with the kids. I bought one of those Wii games which has managed to keep them entertained,with a fit plus board for me and Steve to get some exercise with.. still the kids manage to beat me with it though, i didn't think i was that un-fit..

The new year has brought so much work, we don't have to do it no, but i want this year to be different and need to get down and dirty to get it, so many nights when we would of been out salsa'ing we've both been working away, hes worse than me and has thrown himself into it, although its not easy at times, i know why hes doing it so try to make the best of everyday and anytime we get together.

Riding has been a blast, I'm still managing to go every week as even when my fellas working, my eldest sits for the rest so that parts good, Phil has taken over our classes and managed to make every week exciting for us all, 3 weeks ago i had my first fall.. and boy it was a cracker, he was giving me the smaller horses to ride as he said my size allowed me to ride both, but as you lot all know me i didn't feel safe on the smaller ones and felt too close to the floor so i asked him for Jack back for a night.. The dreaded black horse who's always in a bad mood..lol

Trouble is i love the horse and rode him alot last year.. well to cut a long story short he was beautifully behaved for me all night cantering round and everything, until the last part of the lesson where he cantered down the straight bucking all the way down :( i managed to stay on for most of it, but he threw me up against the bottom wall .. i did get back on him as i know if i didn't it would cause problems, but he started again, so i changed horses for the rest of class, what i didn't realise is id caught my sciatic nerve and couldn't stand up when it was time to get off.. so i spent a week hobbling around with my fella taking the mickey.. talk about black and blue! it comes with the territory so something i have to get used to.

Ive been back since and loved it just as much as Ive always done, Jack has managed to scare me though which is something i need to work on..

Our salsa has suffered badly as my fella also needs an operation, he was struggling towards the end of last year but thankfully is booked in for Feb/March, once hes had his operation i know hell be back and firing on all cylinders, i really miss my friends there and salsa..

Having said that tonight is the salsa party at the Staithe.. Ive been sulking most of the week as i thought my fella had to work all weekend. His partner is away on holiday so my fella has to send off the data every night for him, i was so pleased when he said he didn't have to work this weekend, it means we can go to the party and hopefully once Mark is back restart salsa again..

Its been a bit like hibernation here, January hasn't been much fun, but in my fellas words, its cold anyway so e may as well work now and take some time off in summer...lol that's his way of getting me to think positive.. which strangely works most times.

I am really looking forward to spring now though.. so who ordered more white stuff this morning?

There are lots i want to do this year, I'm learning day to day what i need to do to get there and putting just enough in to keep myself sanish...

The kids are getting older now, everything slotting into place with them and thankfully calmed down, so perhaps this year my blog will have some of those good things in it..

We will see......

Dance Cuban Christmas Party 2010

Do you think im putting on weight? my fellas face says i am, either that or i sat on something i shouldnt have.......
Its snowing heavy all the roads are slippery as hell and what were a mad bunch of salsa addicts all doing?
1. Tucked up in the warm with hot chocolate?
2.Watching the snow from the windows making lots of ahh sounds in the comfort of their warm homes!
3. Wrapping gift to put under the tree?
DONT BE DAFT.....
We were at the Dance Cuban
Christmas party of course!! hehe
Sharon stole the show with her beautiful dress and was looking totally gorgeous, you should have seen the place when she did her belly dancing..omg was that something else

It was a brilliant night!
Everyone was in such good spirits, especially Richard who seemed to have had plenty of spirit inside him already and was cracking everyone up with his speach...
We had some of the best dancers there from around the country.

We started the night with a lovely sit down meal which i must say was brilliant, the service was so fast and the food was lovely, it was my first gluten free xmas dinner out so one ill remember..

Richard came down from London especially to be part of it and started the party off in style by warming everyone up! All the best dabcers were there Jackie, Nad, Richard, Jose not to mention Sexy Sasha! I have to call him that as all the girls do... and boy cant you see why....... (white shirt ladies...)
All the guests were up and shimmeeing away filling both dance floors..

The music was brilliant as soon as timba came on my fella was up, its fast and addictive and never fails to have everyone up on their feet.

Everyone in the Staithe last night will agree it was another of those never forget party nights, Richard you always know how to throw the best of them..
I'm still slightly hung over so am taking the day slower than usual, i also have the triplets off from school due to the snow to help today, so i can tell them all about it and stick on some music while i work..

Our good friends brought us back some rather special chocolate from Amsterdam from their trip, that i must keep away from the children so tonight I'm going to eat that and make a total hash of the gift wrapping..

But as you can see from my half of the pictures it was worth braving the snow to get to this party..
I'm sure Angela's photos will all say the same thing...

Thanks guys for a hell of a brilliant night, and book us in for next years!
The place was packed so everyone knew how good last years was and this years wasn't any different

My fellas got to have an operation in the new year and as soon as that's done , salsa will become a big part in our lives again.
We've met some wonderful people who we now are lucky to call our friends and are part of something very special..

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
See you all New Years Eve to do it all again..................

The X Factor 2009 - Joe McElderry: Sorry Seems To Be - Live Show 8 (itv.com/xfactor)

The X Factor 2009 - Joe McElderry: Could it Be Magic - Live Show 8 (itv.com/xfactor)

Joe stole the show for me last night.
Love this song and his voice.
I did want olly to win but ive changed my mind over the last 2 weeks, this little guys getting better and better.
Joe to win.......

Sunshine and Clouds

Its been a blurred few weeks, I haven't blogged as i simply haven't had anything good to write, Its all been work for me and being ill , so I'm now on a mission to sort myself out. I missed riding and salsa so badly, but by the time evenings get here i wasn't in any fit shape to do either, so its been a time Ive also reflected on whats important to me and how i can change things for the better to find a happy balance of what i love and have some kind of life back.

Its started when my fella sat me down to speak to me, i was getting pretty down even when i wouldn't admit it to myself, so many changes and balls to juggle it seemed like a never ending pit of 'need to do' stuff.. He was constantly working away so i was trying to help the kids with homework as well as run a business, i was ashamed to call mine...

I decided i wanted to change my website so have now started to do just that, im really enjoying this side of it and its bringing back the reasons why i love it so much, its part of me and always has been, over the last few years Ive had much of my fellas influence involved with my business, as he used to work on the roofs and got to the point he couldn't do it anymore, part of it was his good friend falling off and dying in front of his son, it hits home, they had 4 kids just like us, so it could have been me getting a call just like Simon's wife did. The other part was it was such a physical job and a fit mans world, he would come home soaked through to the skin and be so physically exhausted theres only so much of that a person can take and although the money was good he paid for it in many ways....

We decided then whatever he wanted to do, we would take the steps needed and indeed the risk, and he would learn a new career. Partly as i was treated so crap by several so called website builders and SEO people, he started on his journey of learning all what he could in that field.

The last 30 months has gradually been a build up of the workload hitting heights non of us imagined, we work all day and feed the kids then out come those laptops and off we go again, the lights always on here, regardless if its 4am..its no way to live though.....

I used to moan and feel if I'm honest a bit left out, i didn't understand his new world, but knew the things he was learning would be invaluable both to him and me, so we persevered and found ourselves living on my income for the last 2 years which meant things were a real struggle here, the kids never moan and always tell me i work too hard, but for them i would do anything so you try to smile and be strong for them, sometimes it wasn't easy though.

i tried to look on it as a new future and new adventure but when you are trying to hold up a home with 4 growing kids in it, its not cheap..

My aunt has been i have to say, my guardian angel... shes helped me through thick and thin and is always here for me on those days i wake up feeling exhausted before i even start, she knows just by the tone of my voice when i need help and always manages to make me see some positive in everything, that part of me i felt was lost somewhere buried in the mountain of where was my life heading and how can i get back on track?

I listened when my fella needed to talk, tried to tell him it wasn't him when everyone around him called him stupid and told him to go get a paid job... but we are now coming out of the other side of the cloud, its been one hell of a journey and although Ive had some challenges in my time, I think apart from when the triplets were born too early and the stress and worry we both felt, this chapter in my life comes a close second..

It all came to a head over November as i spent week after week being riddled with migraines as my head simply couldn't shut down, i was asking it questions no one had answers to, including myself... I know now why they call us dizzy blondes........ I slotted into that category perfectly......

Now hes gone off into the big wide world on his new venture things are starting to make sense again, he wont be second best at anything, so has learnt his new job inside out just as i hoped he would... We were living off what takings i took through my site and stock levels were hitting the floor, theres nothing worse than watching something good, disappear slowly like that, i have worked my arse off and worked on this site for nearly 10 years, its my baby yet i felt like it was being strangled......

Over the last couple of weeks, Ive managed to start again in regards of my work, i have found a part of me i thought id lost and wake up again excited about whats to come, the stock room is looking amazing again and has huge promise as everything she takes goes back into her again now so everyday when i wake up i think myself lucky that my fella learns quickly and somehow through all this there was light at the end of the tunnel..

I finally started back riding last night, but for the first time i felt my nerves a little uneasy, would the horse pick up on what i was feeling and was this going to be my rude awakening , but thanks to some bloody good people up there and my teacher Phil they have managed to restore my confidence and i came home totally happy.. My fella had cooked me a surprise meal which was an amazing steak in pepper sauce and I sat there fat and happy, like the cat who got the cream,with the biggest smile on my face and felt something i havent felt in a while 'contentment'..

Tonight we are bribing the kids with a video and getting some salsa tracks on, we both really miss our friends there especially Sharon and Richard as the whole salsa world had become part of us, we have both forgotten our moves so are going to make a start tonight and practise here, hopefully we can rejoin our class again on Thursday and start to find some kind of normality and balance back..

The best part is my fellas partner has now been handed the keys to his new place, so they now have an office that's a stones throw away, and for the first time last night, in i would say over a year my fella came home without his laptop ! Its his new rule of the house and was promised when he said about this new office.. It means no more weeks of working away, just an occasional trip when needed, and my fella and me back on that road of learning to be Steve and Jo again ..

We have had to make big sacrifices and part of it meant we lost ourselves there for a while, but just like my website when i look at her everyday now, its all looking so much better and exciting ..

The futures bright and starting to bring the feeling, that this has all been worth it........

Now we just have to listen to ourselves and dig out that part of us the work load burried..

It takes a cloudy season to make you appreciate, just how good that sun feels when it shines on you doesn't it?

Hopefully now i will have some good stuff to share on here again with my friends too...

WWW.J-LOU.COM

The X Factor Olly Murs Show 4 (Rock Week) - Come Together

He was the best of the boys for me.. This totally rocks !

The X Factor 2009 - Stacey Solomon - Live Show 4 (itv.com/xfactor)

I thought she did so well.. Love the Keane song and loved her performance..

Halloween

Its been a strange couple of weeks, ive hardly seen my fella as his work has taken him away from home quite a bit, by the time weekends get here we are both too tired to do anything so its just been a 'get through period of our lives'.

Last week my eldest was struck down with swine flue so it meant a week of being shut indoors with the triplets all having to stay off school too. I dont think they minded that much though as it meant half term in our house started a week early !

I can say whole heartedly i am so looking forward to next week and them all going back to school, ive been trying to keep them entertained so started to decorate the first bedroom which is the boys, but it was a bigger job than i had antisipated and im still not finished.. theres clothes all along the upstairs hall and paint tubs all around my bathroom...

I understand where they were coming from now when they say a womans work is never done ~ thats so true.

It was amusing though to give 3 kids a 5 litre tin of undercoat and say get on with it, they certainly had a good go.

I did manage to get to riding Monday which was lovely, Phil decided he would make me look like Noddy for a night so along with 3 huge other horses and their riders i was allocated a pony ! yep.. To say i felt embarrassed was an understatement, im small but this little one was tiny, i felt so mean and thought id squash her.

The reason was explained to me though as this little pony used to be used by the kids in classes and has such a free spirit, she takes off at night and escapes the stables (several times) she just decides shes going for a walk and is then usually found miles away, she was also showing her wilder side in the kids classes and was bolting off, leaving the kids either on the floor or scared stupid, so the poor thing isnt being used in their schooling at the moment.

As i was small they asked if i would ride her in my class to gently break her back in as she hadnt been rode for 6 months, if she starts getting used to it again the kids will be able to smother her with love and affection and have her back in their classes, we know shes always everyones favourite because of her character, so i went along with it..

To say she gave me the ride of my life was an understatement!

I have never been that fast on a horse/pony in my life.. my exact words as they told me to canter her round, i cannot say here but lets just say i was swearing rather loudly and laughing my head off ! She was like a mad thing and didnt want to stop! her ears and head were way up and she seemed to really be enjoy herself ~ so was i if im honest.

I went home smiling and although everyone was giggling about it i went to sleep happy.

I get days like that where you just want to run and keep going as fast as you can, it just goes to show it doesnt matter about your size, its whats inside that spirit that allows you do the things you love, isnt it? I hope i get her again, i dont care that we looked like Noddy and Big Ears in with a group of giants, between us we both had a great time and i think ive got over my phobia of not liking to ride the little horses.. she showed me just how much fun ive been missing..

Tonight as its halloween and all the kids are well and happy we are going out trick or treating. Every year my lot all dress up and get so excited, so this week i got them all brilliant costumes and will join in with the fun.Last years mistake of jumping out wearing a witch costume when someone knocked on my door wont happen again (it was one poor little girl standing there all on her own) who i managed to scare the crap out of, she was running down my drive screaming for her mother, who by that time was in hysterics laughing her head off (that was so cruel i know) it must be a mum thing.

But i didnt know she was on her own i promise! all night the local kids were banging on the door and winding me up as much as possible with eggs, so i just thought it was be amusing to give some halloween sprit back.. god did that backfire on that poor little girl.. I bet she wont be back this year!

Im making toffee apples with my fella this afternoon, so have to pay a visit to tescos for some sugar and apples. I'll post the photos of tonight, cook a nice meal and enjoy a night of ghostly festives with the kids...

It will all stop at 8pm anyway here as its X Factor night.. and its my time.......

The X Factor 2009 - Jamie Archer - Live Show 2 (itv.com/xfactor)

This guy has me spellbound...
I felt every word of this song..
Love him......

The X Factor 2009 - Olly Murs - Live Show 2 (itv.com/xfactor)

Talk about giving everyone that feel good factor..
What a brilliant performance...
Noones moved their groin like that since Elvis..lol

Hello Again

Its been a while since Ive been able to find myself and start to write again, you know when you have so much flying round up there, that you cant quite manage to put everything in order? well that sums my head up to a T...

I'm feeling much brighter now thankfully, have been a good girl and am taking the pills, which seem to be keeping the blackouts at bay, so I'm thankful for that, at least i don't rattle for nothing ! :)

Ryan seems to be settling back into school life nicely again, we are managing to keep up with the home tutoring and he seems to be much better in himself, it went on from all that crap straight into my fella working all hours and the new stock run, so its been pictures, editing, working and falling in a heap..

I have managed to get to riding which i have to say is the one thing that's kept part of me sane, i took Lauren this week so the pictures and videos are thanks to her. If you notice Phil is leading me out, do you know why? Jack is so thoughtful and likes to make a quick dash exit usually leaving his riders in the large pile of horse manure as a thank you....hehe Told you i get all the badly behaved horses didn't i ! its s good job i like bad boys.............

Christmas is fast approaching and boy am i panicking !

I'm starting to feel better in myself but needed some time out to get myself together, wash my hair and start again, if that makes sense, i feel more like my old self now and cant wait to get back to everything.

The new stock is in theres still as some to go in but somehow we managed to lose the photos, so as my fellas away again tomorrow until Friday, I'm hoping we can finish up so i can get back into my work with enthusiasm again by the weekend..

I had so much to say but it was all so negative and i didn't want to depress you all when reading it, somehow it all manages to sort itself out and calm down doesn't it...

Here's to hopefully no more weeks like the last few......

Anyway the good part of my week so far has been my horses.. This week Kevin's away on the start of his 3 week holiday so we got Phil to take the lessons, hes been brilliant and managed to pull out of the bag one of the best lessons Ive ever had.. talk about sore legs today !

Anyway i hope you like the pictures, I'm riding Jack again (who i am loving to bits) we did the lesson without stirrups and i learnt to rise and trot and canter without them, it was really good..

Although I'm paying for it at the moment and taking plenty of hot baths.......hehe

Will be back to normal now and come to see you guys every day..xxx

Back to my Virtual Life

Slowly things are settling down this end, its been nothing but worrying, police interviews and various things ive needed to sort out, the good news is hopefully its getting settled, my son after 2 attempts to get him back to school actually came home yesterday smiling.. that is such a relief..

He went back to his limited new classes Monday only to walk into 4 of the brick throwers in his new class of 8 so as you can imagine it wasnt pleasant, he did me proud and held his head up even though they really were being total thugs, thankfully one call to the headteacher in disgust hes swiftly sorted that out, hes now been moved in with his best friends and is feeling much more settled, theres only so much you can ask a lad to put up with.. Even i was losing my temper!

Im still pursuing the other avenues of tuition though which have been advised to look at and its looking bright, im also waiting for my response from the board of governers to see where this so called 'anti bullying' and ' every childs entitled to an education' things about ~ we havent seen much of that from any count. Hopefully someone will answer some questions..

The lovely lad whos given my family so much grief decided he would press charges on my fella for going after him ~ isnt the world such a lovely place sometimes, he did try really hard to cause so much upset and indeed has given me so much grief but he didnt win.. lies always come out in the end like i tell my kids .. so i still believe that honesty is the best policy ...

This weeks been a bit of a strange one, I went riding on Monday to try and get rid of some frustration i was feeling and thankfully the horses came through for me again, this week i got a huge white horse called 'Ice' for my jumping lesson, I nearly sh8t myself ~ how the hell i managed to get him to jump, ill never know, but i came home feeling much more confident for going and alot happier inside ..even if i couldnt walk so well the next day ! :)

Today was my day to spend in hospital ~ as i had to cancel my last appointment so they rescheduled it for today and told me not to miss it , its not something i was looking forward to, but over the last few months Ive had bouts of blacking out and dizziness (see i am a genuine dizzy blonde!) without any alcohol involved too, so i had to get it checked out..

After spending a few hours being shaken like a cocktail, having hot water poured down my ears and eyes squirted while wearing the strangest of blackout camera goggles on my eyes.. they discovered that my balance sensors are not working like they hoped, one side seems to go to sleep when it wishes, which is when i start doing my 'shes gotta be pissed routine' they do think its all connected with the migraines i get, and they are what is causing the system to shut down, so Ive been given some new drugs to try so will wait and see whats next.

My doctor thought as much and knew of one other lady that had the same symptoms, sadly she wasn't diagnosed until she was walking home from a club one night on her own and had blacked out in a shop door, people were all walking past her thinking she was on drugs or drunk and took no notice, she was found in the morning beaten up... so I'm thankful that i did get to make today in better shape.. theres always a positive somewhere...

Ive been a guinea pig for years, trying just about every new drug out for these migraines, but sometimes it ends with a cyclamorphine jab in what arse i have, and put to sleep... you've heard of people opening their front doors looking worse for wear right? well Ive been there, done that, and forgotten all clothing including my t-shirt .. thank god it was a friend at the door that's all i'll say......hehe

They are made worse when I'm stressed (isn't that part amusing) my life like most peoples is full of the stuff ~ i have 4 kids, a fashion business to run and a fella that's a workaholic .... but i wouldn't change any of it for the world... I look on the migraines now as my shut downs, when i need to stop they always seem to appear, and make me do what I'm told for a change...

Vodka gives me bad headaches too, the only difference is, I get a little dancing done in between falling on the floor and the headache :)

Tonight I'm knackered, I'm left with not much sense today (as you can all read), i feel sick extremely not right and have to go for new stock tomorrow ! so I'm going to be a good girl and go to bed early.. before i become a nuisance..
As usual ............

Im looking forward to tomorrow..... It should be a good day...

Need Help

I've just been to pick up my sons school timetable today.. to say im worried is an understatement..

Hes got Wednesdays and Fridays at College on his Business diploma but this is what classes the school has given him for the normal GCSE's..... 6 lessons out of 15..

Does anyone have any advice? or know where i can get the books to help him in English and Maths?( im crap at english so will do this with him to help us both) .. These are all the classes the school is saying are available on the 3 days hes there,they are not even at the levels he was at, but perhaps thats a good thing.

Im willing to do whatever it takes to help here, but all the Xs are where he's got nothing on and has to come home to study, the library periods he has to go sit and study by himself as its in between 2 classes and he wont get back in time if he comes home... its a bit empty isnt it?

Now i bet that white streak in my hair gets bigger...

Ive heard of fighting for education but im going to need boxing gloves to help him out here....

Rabbit Caught in the Headlights

To say Ive been feeling a mess the last few days is an understatement...as much as i hate to admit it i was so out of my depth..

Im always up for having a go at things and like to live life as much as i can, but theres some parts of it that i don't understand or deal with so well. The law is one of them, i don't break it so never really had dealings with it...When i was with Geoff i had to call them out a lot but the ambulance usually followed suit and people were always there to help with that side of it, i didn't have to do anything really, just get away from him..

With the help of two of my friends over the last 2 days , Ive managed to wake up today feeling so much more positive in myself. I actually slept like a baby and feel like Ive got some energy today.

Because things were complicated and bad i wanted to hide under the duvet and hope it was all just a bad dream, sadly the nightmare was still there in daylight..

I was referred to yesterday as a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights (thank you.lol) but that's pretty accurate if I'm honest.. I was frightened and totally confused to what i should do, where to start or who i could talk to, the police matter Ive been trying to deal with has had me banging my head up against the wall, Ive shed more tears this week than i have in years.. but at least i can see clearer today..so that's a positive..

The good part is today i know where to go and who to talk to now. I have a list I'm working through to get our lives back on track here and in regards of my sons education I'm going to fight this all the way.. hopefully also regain some kind of inner peace for us both..

The basic story went as i described in my other blog, except the thug in question is pressing charges on my fella for assaulting him.. the stories changed so much over 4 days that i cant recognise most of it anymore, I'm sick of writing statements, very concerned statements that were made have disappeared and was scared that the policeman i was given was good friends with the thugs dad and was telling me all about him but wanted me to drop just about everything..................... its not a good situation to be in is it?

They are well known around here as a group that likes to rule the land and both have long histories of breaking just about every law going. the youngest is just 15 so of course he cant be locked up but the older body building brother should be and so should all the thugs that terrified me on Friday, why should i just leave it , they will do this to someone else........ they have already started !

Somehow through all this shit I'm hoping the law will prevail, but i had to deal with this officer first so i can now hopefully get some justice sorted out, the first lad was arrested last night but its not what i wanted to do, i had no choice as this family wants to make my family look like the guilty party.. its not right.

My sons education has been messed up beyond recognition now hes still off school for his own safely and yet the thug is back in class and already picking on another lad, my sons best friend.. what a little arsehole.. whatever are his parents like? Ive already seen the brother and hes bad enough.

Today i start that long list of trying to get this mess sorted out..

Ive wrote to the people above the school now as my sons 3 days at school have been cut to nothing... he shouldn't have been the one who had to move out of a class because he was being bullied surely! why? because this schools anti bullying policies and measures for the diploma are crap...

Anyone who reads this, if you have teenage kids and they are thinking of doing the diploma please look into it more deeply, the government have spent thousands pushing this as the new qualification to go for, my lad had to beat quite a few pupils and undertook 3 interviews to get on it, yet they stick all the kids, regardless of grades into an overspill class and that's where our problems started, they are forced to try and study with kids that don't give a shit about school who stabbed him in the head with compasses all through class, bricked my windows and threaten to stab him next, all in front of the so called teachers and its allowed...

These lads took work experience so they could get 2 days out of school and are proud to say that... Ive lost my respect for the so called head teacher who was too busy to attend an important meeting with me as he was playing squash in school hours? whats happened to Great Britain...

Not so great anymore is it...............

I had just finished signing a statement last night when i got a phone call from another lads mother in my sons class, she was crying her eyes out, her son had come home from school yesterday in tears, the same bullies are not doing exactly the same thing to him... so shes expecting what i got Tonight.... its not fair this should be stopped..

Anyway whatever the outcome, I'm not going to go away quietly anymore, I'm going to keep going, i have to... for my kids future.

Ive always told them to be good and that good wins over bad and I'm lucky that i do have 4 good kids whom i love more than life, but for the first time in a long while Ive got to deal with it alone..

My fellas not here to bail me out of help with this so Ive put my positive G string on today and am setting out to get this done..

Thanks to the help yesterday i don't feel so frightened today...

Still here

Just to let you all know i am still here....
Its been a nighmare of a week, so much shit keeps coming , i dont know how i feel tonight...except so tired with it all, its really got me down tonight, im blaming the headache gel and telling the kids im not crying, its that..
Ill fill you all in tomorrow ~ but tonight i just need to go to bed and hope tomorrows better.
My fellas away til saturday and im glad, im glad he hasnt had to listen to all the lies this week, One of us feeling like this is bad enough, i dont want him to have to, hes a good man and doesnt deserve the shit one little thug and its family is giving us..
Goodnight all, forgive me if i sound rude, im just really done in and totally dissapointed with it all.
Ive brought my kids up to respect and care and what we are surrounded by here is nothing but thugs...
will talk tomorrow..........

Emergencys

Last night my fella arrived home, to say i was pleased was an understatement, We just wanted a quiet night in so we could catch up on whats been happening both ends ~ if only life was that simple....

I have wrote previously about the group of yobs that my eldest son is having to put up with in his classes outside of this diploma thing and now i can see exactly what hes having to put up with..

I was upstairs in my sons room sorting out when we could hear a gang of lads outside our house, looking out i could see there was about 8 of them at the time, i could hear them saying things about our lad and heard one lad say ill stab the bastard! then all of a sudden a huge brick gets thrown at our car window and they all run off... I shouted down to my fella and we both went outside, thankfully the window didn't smash but there was brick everywhere it had smashed into 4 or 5 bits and was all over the bonnet, my fella being my fella is having non of it, once my eldest son told him what this so called lad had been threatening to stab him at school in class today too, that was it ~ into the car he went with Ryan to go find them....

At this point i picked up the phone and dialed 999 ~ I was explaining on the phone to the lady what was happening and she had promised me a squad car was on its way, meanwhile my fella comes back, he had caught up with the group and had warned the ringleader that we wouldn't put up with thuggish behaviour from him or anyone and he let him go... I thought that was it !

In the next few Min's we could hear a crowd coming up the road shouting, so i ran upstairs to see what was happening, i told the police i could hear a gang so she told me to stay on the line and talk her through it ~ not much to say except this lads brother and about 30 of his mates decided they would come beat up my fella for tackling his younger brother ~ i had a gang of them one side of the door ~ the kids screaming and crying upstairs as they were out in the front garden and my fella trying to get outside to defend his family~ i haven't shook that much since Geoff.

I was on that phone to the emergency services for 18 mins before a team of cars and vans got here, the whole street was filled with blue and white lights, trying to break up the gang, if i had of been on my own i don't know what id have done, hed only been home about 2 hours..

This went on into the night til past 1.30am with police interviewing neighbours, i honestly thought they would take away my fella as he shouldn't have gone after them initially but what do you do when someone comes into your drive, smashes up your property and threatens to stab your kid?

After speaking to the police who i must say were really lovely, they brought in a female officer, im not sure if it was to calm me and the kids down but she did a good job, the main officer was brilliant with my fella and basically put our mind at rest that he'd been to see the initial groups parents and that the lad over dramatised what happened when my fella caught up with him, none of their stories matched up and one actually admitted they had come to cause trouble, but what started with a school messing up here escalated into something very very nasty last night..

The police have told us to either keep our lad off school Monday and demand that the classes get split up and given us various numbers to phone to help us here..

Needless to say i didn't sleep a wink, i was waiting for them to come back all night, what will happen tonight is any ones guess, but one things for sure..

Ive got to spend nights here on my own now with last night going round my head, all because of what? a bloody education system that's failed so many children and managed to cause a riot in one of the kids homes last night..

I am supposed to be going into hospital Monday afternoon, and the kids were getting their own keys to come home from school with my eldest, but I'm sitting here this morning thinking i need to cancel..

Determined

I think the last two days have been one of the most physical challenges Ive ever had, everything is everywhere here, I cant move! once id started ripping wardrobes apart there was no going back ~ i wished at the time i hadn't started it, talk about heavy... i didn't account for how i was going to get the heavy stuff down the stairs did i, or moving metal bunk beds from one end of the room to the other, my fellas usually here when i do stupid things like this... I'm not sure how i achieved that one, but i think i got so annoyed with the mess id made that it created some determination energy so i was able to drag the bugger.

Theres at least a skip full of rubbish outside now to greet my fella when he gets back, but so much stuff prepared thats hitting the boot sale and auction houses Saturday and Sunday, where did it all fit in here?

I know when my fella gets home Saturday I'm going to get one almighty bollocking for doing this but the majority of mess should hopefully be clear by then, hes working away so i cant keep putting it off and I'm an impatient bugger when i get something in my head like clearing out my house .. its a woman thing..

I have to be honest though, I didn't realise how much i was going to find up there today, im not sure i would have tacked that had i have known, but thats another lesson ive learnt... the hard way.....

The most amusing thing ive found so far is a big paddling/swimming pool, still in its packing and sealed ? but I have a shingle garden? I cannot remember when or where i had that mad impulse... but i need my head examined, if it was me... i'll blame him and giggle at that one..lol

Today i decided to pop my head in the attic ~ just so i could see how much was up there .. dont do that anyone, once i became involved with 'oh! whats that' that was it! 7 hours later and poor Sandra nearly worked to death im still up to my neck in crap, baby clothes and all types of wondrous things that we bought/got given or miraculously just appeared in my home.. how many different variations of corksrews do we actually need?

Ive found 9 bin bags of sample items up there i didn't know i even had at all ...

Its come to that part of the night (22.30) that i cant do anymore today, ive had a packet of outer spacers for tea tonight and have hit a brick wall in regards of energy.. im turning to strong coffee and ciggies now to stay awake and know its time to call it a night....

Tomorrows another day ~ hopefully ill wake up energised and get packed whats all round the lounge, kitchen,hall and up the stairs and then if i can find enough motivation start Ryan's room......................

I haven't done this for years ~ but Ive got the feeling this will all feel worthwhile when its done..

Tonight im just feeling knackered ...

Madness

Talk about clearing out, I couldn't believe what my daughter has been hoarding in her bedroom. I found everything from half eaten biscuits, a cheese sandwich that you could knock a hole in the wall with and endless bags of clothes all rolled up into bags hidden? the mind boggles....

I eventually finished cleaning at 8.30pm ~ that was just one room though! but 6 bin bags later and several swear words that apparently my neighbour could hear through out the day, I'm pleased to say I made the start..

My fella phoned and woke me at 10pm... I think he thought i was joking when i said i was in bed, yesterday was harder than riding and salsa back to back, the room is now ready to paint and I have one very happy little girl, who says she will make me tea all year, for what Ive done!! a brandy would be more useful to take away the backache..lol

Today i have to send off the orders first, Ive already done emails, fill the car up with petrol before it breaks down on me and try and juggle the day ~ I'm taking on the boys room today which means i have wardrobes to dismantle on top of cleaning, but Ive got the first 2 kids home at 4.00 so I'm on limited time today, I then have to pick eldest up at 4.30 from college then back to pick Brandon up from high school at 5pm, hes on a school trip today! its then back here feed the lot and be ready to cut and colour my aunts hair by 6pm tonight and "can i slot in her fella in between for a hair cut" too!................ god help me, why do i always say yes ~ when my heads saying i cant fit it all this in today! how the hell am i going to manage this lot?

Right rant over so its time for a quick cuppa and house work hopefully in 30Min's flat as they will only wreck it tonight again anyway, then its time to crack on and have a go.. I'm still wearing the same combats from yesterday, i need a shower and Ive got no hope in hell have I !

God i miss my fella........ its not any easier for him by the sounds of it either..

Thank god for weekends........

De Clutter

Its day 1 of my getting rid of everything and getting up to date with my work week, My fellas sadly gone off to work again for the week so im trying to keep myself busy, not sure yet if hes able to get back for salsa, but ive decided this week im going regardless, even if it means me going alone.. I can do this.......
Today i am starting with the kids rooms so expecting to be up to my neck in 'it' .. what exactly 'It' is yet i don't know ~ knowing my boys im going to find all sorts of wondrous (or not so) things up there behind those wardrobes........yuk

Last night was really good, its Monday so my riding night! As you can see in my photos below i got Jack! I have to say he was really good for me, Ive made my mind up i need to get to grips and conquer this horse before moving onto anything bigger, judging how stiff i am this morning already, i need more practise......
I was chatting to Claire walking the horses back through the fields and what she said made so much sense, I can think up there so always come home deep in thought. I need to get everything up and how it was, to ever be able to forfill my dreams there.. I dont like big businesses, ive been there and wore that T-shirt and found that the stress levels came with it, so i need to find a balance.. somewhere in between now and then i think...
So im going to try and achieve just that ...
So this week is the start of how i need to go on..... clear out the clutter and make room for the new things coming.....
Hopefully my cloudy period will pass now so i can move myself on too with it .......

Brown Eyed Girl: Patrick Swayze and his wife Dance

Brown Eyed Girl: Patrick Swayze and his wife Dance

The sad news today is an inspiration to many of us Patrick Swayze has sadly lost his battle to cancer on Monday 14Th Sept 2009.
Like many good people, he was taken before his time..but showed so much courage in his fight.

R.I.P Patrick... You will be sadly missed