To say i wasn't nervous would be lying, It was a mix of nerves , excitement and not knowing if i could really do this.. I wanted to as its been something Ive always wanted to try but when you are standing there in front of a cheering crowd the nerves do kick in...
We started the night 2 hours earlier than the spectators were asked to come, and were taken to a room in the forum where we all spent 2 hours being educated in the art of belief and self confidence, even then i could feel the nerves setting in..
My fella had asked me NOT to do the board break, he was only thinking about me, i broke my arm a couple of months back and its only just getting back to normal, so smacking an inch think bit of ply isn't really what it needed, so id promised him i would explain about my bones and avoid that one....lol Little did i know..
Part of the talk was about when your mind thinks of something, its because it wants to do it, we have the capabilities to do it, its usually because we worry we don't try, that i can speak from experience and understand fully....
The question was if your house was on fire and you knew there was a tenner on the table would you go in to get the tenner? no of course not..
Now ask the same question and instead of the tenner your son/daughter/husband/sister was in there...... would you then ? yes, whatever the risk you would do as you love and care about them ...
So if you have a dream or a wish theres no reason that you cant do something, its simply a matter of believing you can do it and not thinking anything else..
We spent time asking ourselves questions that i already knew the answers to, i have those feelings that i want to do more, its just sometimes i hold myself back with feelings that i cant..
Last night was the start of me digging that bit deeper now, when i know what i want to do i have to put my mind to it and simply go for it.......
Brian Gunn was at the seminar and was supporting us all throughout the talk , which meant alot as we were all there to raise money for his fund and help these poor kids and parents that leukaemia touches into their lives, we never know if its one of our family one day that this money will help.
After the lecture was over we were all so hyped up and positive, so much of what Tosin said is exactly what my fellas been saying from day one, he believes your mind controls everything so to hear someone else with that positive mind frame just set in stone what i already knew and hoped was right, we all get bad days and indeed bad luck, but its how we choose to deal with it that can make all the difference..
When we had finished the www.Tosinfirewalker.com motivation talk we were all asked to choose a board, i picked up mine and nervously thought of Steve, he was outside waiting and i wished he could have been in that room he would have known then i had no choice in this, i had to write on that board the one thing i wanted to take home from the firewalk, so i wrote down confidence... that's where i wanted to grow, that if i knew i could do something i would be confident enough to do it and not think of the million reasons why i shouldn't... I put it down to knock backs last year and the past shouldn't affect what could come tomorrow its a negative thing and one i want to get shot of..
Out we all marched into the night air you could smell the fire, we had lit that fire before we went in for the talk so it was burning brightly, the energy that talk gave us must have showed as we all marched out with huge smiles chanting away with our boards in hand.. which was the one part of the night that worried me.. I wanted to break that board and break that barrier i had with those words scribbled in Marker pen across it..
It came to my turn to do the board break and all i could think of was Steve's words, your arms not strong so i think i already knew it wasn't going to happen before the guy held it up..
I DID hit that board as hard as i could but it didn't break, so i went again and again, each time feeling more defeated, Tosin knew as he stopped me and told me to stand there for a couple of mins and compose, he was so kind bless and whispered it was because i didn't believe my arm was capable... he was right..
I stood there watching the others break their boards each time telling myself i really want to do this so when the next slot came i went back up, this time using my left arm .. im right handed usually but what Louise and Tosin said made sense , i saw my arm as not capable and didn't believe i could do it.. that's why i couldn't..
He counted me back in but this time i was determined , it wasn't like the first attempt i knew the board was beating me and had to break it.........
I have never felt that happy since bringing home the kids from the special care unit, i hurled myself at Tosin and gave him a huge hug, i didn't even feel the hit so i must have got it right ! that board came home with me and will be hung up somewhere now, so if i get back that feeling of doubt in myself i will just think back to last night and snap out of it..
Next came the part of the night we were all there to do, the firewalk !
My god was i excited..lol
Id already done one thing i didn't think was possible so this to me was the icing on the cake, to be able to say Ive walked across burning hot coals and didn't feel a thing is incredible..
I didn't look down instead chanted convincing myself it was 'cold moss' with every step and it wasn't til id done it i realised my feet never got hot ! my head and neck was but my feet were black from the coals but stone cold....lol
Im not going to analyse why or how, I'm just gonna take this feeling with me and remember how i felt when i accomplished this..
I didn't come home with burnt feet instead i came home with such a great feeling and belief in why i did the walk and what i gained from it..
Together with your sponsorship and support Ive managed to raise £307.00 for Brian Gunn's kids charity which together with the other walkers will add up to a great amount, and i walked away also so much richer, but in confidence and self belief for completing my challenge
Thank you all so much for backing me on this and helping to make that difference.
xxx
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