Surprises

Its been a great couple of days, I'm getting everything i wanted to do done, what a brilliant feeling that is, yesterday i went back to the stables and got to ride as near to my dream as possible without the sand or sea, to have that place by myself was amazing, I cantered round and around for so long and haven't felt that free for years, they told me to close my eyes and picture that beach and boy didn't i.. I came away from there so happy inside it was untrue, i was on high all night!

My fella has been working his arse off as i knew he would but had told me he wasn't coming home until Saturday night! although i was a bit sad at that as we had one hell of a party to attend Saturday that none of us wanted to miss, so today i get a call (this afternoon) telling me hes on his way home ! talk about happy !!

Ive missed him like crazy of course but really pleased with what Ive achieved here, at the start of the week i was feeling a little lost, but as the days have gone on, Ive felt so much stronger and adapted really well, sleep was coming easily by Wednesday, probably as Ive been decorating, gardening and doing all sorts of wonderful stuff, until i couldn't do anymore and fell in a heap at bedtime.. the kids have ALL been helping to paint and backed me up here which is brilliant..

So tonight although hes come home to a nearly finished kitchen, we are ignoring the mess, I'll finish the main part tomorrow anyway, but it looks amazing and is well worth the work and a little upheaval.. I'd forgotten how much i love doing stuff like this... I'm covered in paint but couldn't feel happier tonight if id won that lottery.. Steves so pleased and loves it !

Anyway as promised here's the back garden that Ive been working on, its my tranquil place where i wake up regardless of the weather with my cuppa and the radio..

So count us in for Saturdays party you guys ! we will be there now !!!

Ray of light

Its sunday and my house today has transformed into somewhere totally peaceful somehow..lol

The boys are all out at brigade so its just me hubby (cooking bacon and eggs)mm and Lauren its lovely..

We've banned the TV today to try and get the kids into helping a bit more, Ive got music on in every room and the house feels so much more alive..

Its so strange but i woke up today feeling so good about everything, Ive been feeling a little down but its just vanished, I'm alert rearing to go and full of life..

Ive also just broke one of my biggest no gos..lol i ate streaky bacon without gagging, which has tickled my fella, hes right into cooking and is totally blessed, he cooks things i couldn't even imagine mixing and everything always turns out restaurant quality, so how lucky am i ..

Most people sit in fear or growing old, i cant wait to have a big kitchen with all that lovely food and entertain every night...we often sit and talk about it, that's the beauty of having so many kids, they may be messy at the moment but i cant wait to have them all up on a Sunday when they are older with their families and make a day of it with my fella in his element in that kitchen.. i never had that as a child so i guess its why i want it so much now....

Anyway i have to work today (again) but as the musics playing and the suns shining I'm totally happy, this should be the last really long day, as I'm nearly reaching that finishing line....

I'm glad Ive dug in, I'm feeling very pleased with myself today, and so relieved......

Nearly finished.........

Friendship and love

As much as we all try to think we can make it alone, at some point in our lives we need it, they bring smiles on days when it pours down of rain, and are there when we need them most...

This week for me, is a really difficult one, I'm filled with memories of things I'm trying to keep as happy thoughts, but when its gone it doesn't feel so happy..does it..

My best friend was taken by a brain tumour 2 years to the day on Sunday, its been in my head all week, things he said, the way he lived his life , as a free spirit, it just goes round and round up there...

I always try to wander off alone somewhere with my thoughts so i don't upset anyone around me by being 'quiet' and deal with it in my own way, but i often sit an wonder,' do they still see us '...

he taught me things, that have got me through some of the most difficult times of my life, was able to make me laugh when i didn't want to, but could also raise my temper up with one sentence..lol

yet we remained so close.. he did use me in some ways, but then doesn't everyone, but i gave as good as i got so that was fair..lol ..but whenever i needed him he was there, unconditionally...

I was moving some material about at the unit on Friday and came across a bag, so thinking it was just odds and ends that i store up, i emptied it out on the table ...

I was lost for words , it was a jumper that he used to wear all the time, it shouldn't have been there, it wasn't supposed to be, but was, i wasn't prepared for it, so it did shake me up somewhat, why now? why this week ...

he was the guy who made me see sense, a long time ago, when i felt that i had no purpose left here, and had drove off in a blur of tears, i didn't know he had followed but he had, and after sitting there all night trying to put back any faith i had in people, he talked me round into going somewhere safe...

He never told a soul about that night, but he did make me realise there was so much more out there, and i gained the strength through his words, to fight back...

This was the same guy i wrote about in love-or-lust.html who was to become my most trusted friend, but he had to leave... it was his time to go.......

It doesn't seem to matter how long ago we lose a loved one, it stays there with us, when we have a good day you're hoping they can see and when those bad ones come, we wish were there for us .. its a friendship that never dies...

This year i will be doing the same thing i do every year and drive somewhere i feel close to him and sit there with my happy thoughts and a candle, i don't want to remember his life with sadness as this guy lead such a colourful life, i can remember calling him the worst names Ive ever called a guy, one night he turned up with a woman who was his 'new love' and the next night with her daughter..lol (and even came back after i called him a paedophile) lol so this guy was as free as they come.. but loved for it..

I take with me lots of memories, that will raise a smile when i need one, its just this time of the year is hard, as you also remember how much you miss them...

So remember if you have special people in your life, think yourself lucky, and let them know how much you care about them today..

After all , you never know when its our time to go...

And as time proves to us, time and time again

Special friendships can last for a lifetime......