Pursuit of Happyness

Its been another busy week, it only seems like 5 mins ago it was last Friday....

Ive been deep in thought the last 2 days, the kids have been pretty testing (well Brandon has) hes having a bad run at being dangerous again, so ive been sitting here every night til bed time, trying to help him with his reading and writing, i went to salsa classes Tuesday and came home to my worktops all been cut up, so he gave my dad cause for concern, im not sure what else i can try, but i will keep trying, the doctors wanted to medicate him as he has too much energy and wont sit down for longer than 20 seconds, but i looked at it that we've got through this far and it wasn't fair to him to take that option, we just have to put extra effort into him....and grow eyes up my bum..lol

Hes been grounded for this week as i know he doesnt like that, but i also want to work with him one to one, so the teachers helping and working with me and has sent home some really good books for us to work on, he doesnt like ordinary boring things to read (his words to his teacher) so im now reading 'The cut throat celts'... its rather interesting but im amused that the teacher sent it home... but its so far so good, hes enjoying reading about it (so am i) but i still cant get him to go to sleep....lol i wish i sometimes had the amount of energy he has ..

Today im working from home, no particular reason except i felt like it, ive worked every night except Tuesday and missed most of last night due to getting engrossed in a film 'The pursuit of happyness' with Will Smith, (no its not spelt wrong either) lol

If you want a film to make you appreciate what you have in life then its a must see... very thought provoking , not many people could understand what it feels like to not have food or the basics in life, i can ...i was there once and i really related to this film, it made me cry, but also made me determined not to moan and just keep trying......

I finished the night wonderfully by standing in the garden watching the night sky, did you all see the moon last night..... totally beautiful.. for once the weather gave us a clear night and sent me to bed smiling, my whole bedroom was lit up and i just layed there staring at the sky......

I had a lovely surprise after work as my sister Denise came round with Jade and lacey, its been ages since ive seen my sister and i just wanted to give her a huge hug.... Lacey is growing so much and is just like Jade, beautiful.......

Ive been talking to my fella about some things id like to try, im very restless this week and cant wait for spring to get here, ive bought tents and all the camping gear i could find so im buggering off for a few days to live in the woods or on a beach somewhere, it sounds mad (and cold) but its 'gotta be done'.........i want to sleep under the stars with my little fire , its on my wish list and is one of the many mad things i intend to do as soon as those flowers are in bloom....

Were getting so much better at salsa, i got spoilt this week and got all the male instructors as my partners ! hehe.... but it has really helped me, as all those turns i couldn't quite get have now all slotted into place..although i dont like it when they stroke my hands, i feel really embarrased...lol

Well the weeks flown by, my fella has finally finished his 2 new websites so i may just be able to find some normality and good conversation again, i came down to him on the sofa this morning, hes been working all night again (and missed the eclipse)....but i respect the fact thats heres a guy that never gives up on his pursuit of happyness either........lol

Rhianna Dont Stop the Music

well it is friday.......lol

The Pursuit Of Happyness

Duffy - Mercy -

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Its been a great weekend, we were out friday night at the salsa club, yesterday was riding so last night we had a night in with great company...lol

My fella went to salsa class on his own yesterday afternoon (i got left with the housework lol) so he must be keen, he came excitedly to show me what new moves hed learnt but had forgotten them, so im sticking to the instructors tutoring and making sure i will be able to keep up with Mr Travolta here...lol i wont tell him ive been practising online, its nice to get the house to myself...lol

Dayle came up for the evening, i cooked, talked endlessly and really enjoyed the night and his company, it really was great to see him, hes such a great lad, i bonded with him straight away..

The night went beautifully we were all really chilled and enjoyed getting to know him, his sense of humour is great... straight away i took to him and didnt let my fella get a word in..lol

He phoned this morning and is coming back for lunch today, so hopefully he doesnt think were as mad as we do, the kids are really excited about having an older brother and he loves clothes so we should get along just fine...

Today im loading in some new gear into the site, ive been doing photos for most of the last 2 days but hopefully today ill break the back of them and get the jeans done at least, its my fellas turn to cook so im going to enjoy the day working away looking at the sunshine through the window...lol

Wings

Sorry for my lack of posts recently, i have been a bit burried this end in work but im slowly getting through it all..

Last week i went riding as normal and i was back on shadow, it was hard to explain but she was riding so fast constantly wanting to canter so it got me worried about how i was going to be able to stay in control and jump safely, all week its worried me, i was going to ask sarah if i could go back onto sorrel, but im not the type of girl that quits easily and didnt want to give up before id even tried, so decided yesterday i was going to bite the bullet and have a go, this horse is a professional showjumper so she knows how to jump well, i just kept thinking i wasnt good enough to jump with her..lol

So thats where i was yesterday anyway and how i felt inside....


I got to lessons this morning and the paddock was set up for the jumps.. sarahs face said what we were doing when i went in, all the girls were there to watch ..ooops

I dont get nervous with everyday things, in fact some things i should feel nervous about i wont, but if its a test or im put out on show, it really gets me, i felt really sick today...

So out comes shadow, along with my blackmail polos and onto her saddle i get, i told my fella before i left if im going to fall, it would be today, as i wasnt going to let this horse take away the fun i feel from riding, so i knew i had to do this..

The lesson was a really challenging one, i was leading a group of 3 today, with sorrel trying to constantly scratch his itch on shadows bum , the horses hate it and its dangerous as they buck badly, so knowing my daughter was behind her put more pressure on getting it right.. the good news is i got it sooo right today....yipeeeeeeeeeeee

I took the jumps first in canter and she cleared them by miles, once id done one, that was it, the adrenaline kicked in and i wanted to keep going, after every jump nikita put them up higher and higher so after several jumps it was bloody high... it was to show me that conquering the worst first is always best, its not about falling, its about the trying ...

The last jump was my all time best, she had said it was the last one before turn in, so i decided id let shadow go and see how quick she would take it, my god what a feeling.... my outside impression didnt touch how i felt inside ....... im so glad i didnt bottle and let the fear of the unknown stop me from feeling like that.......

I grew so much today, big time, in spirit and in confidence...... Some things we do and find in life push us to grow and grow, i want to feel everything i can feel and experience as much as i can fit in my time here .. I wont live my life being told what i can and cant do, neither would i ever give orders, its my life and down to me to make the most of it ......

Today i made the most of it, be it right or wrong for my business, safe or dangerous to myself, if we dont take risks we dont experience life to its full, and this was just the start .......

I want to feel those wings, not die sitting in front of a TV watching other peoples lives through a soap... thats not living........thats dying to me.....

I want to sit down sometimes.......but only to watch the sun rise or set ....with people i love and want to experience this with....

They are the little things that give me my wings.........

And make me feel......... like i can fly..........

Valentines day

Its friday........the weeks flown by so its time to enjoy the weekend, tonight were meeting up with friends and going to the salsa club, im leaving the car at home and having a couple of vodkas in the hope ill not feel so bad getting on that dancefloor with the other dancers, they really are something else........Marcos promised to give me some lessons and Janes helping steve so it should be a good night...

Yesterday was a hard day i was really cold all day and had loads of photos to do... but i got through all the dresses and jeans so it was well worth the effort, i just couldnt get warm ....

I hope everyone had a great valentines day....i got the loveiest card ! and chocolates so although the day was a hard one, he did really spoil me later........ the radio made compulsive listening and i was working by butt off trying to get finished, but did thanks to mr DJ playing some great music it really helped lightened my mood.. i wasnt the only one who got a card either..lol my daughter has a secret admirer.. he face was a picture with this little lad running up the road trying not to be seen.. bless

Have a great day everyone, its friday.......the weekends just began........

Blood

Its been an emotional week this end, we are trying to open new doors and test a market so it may help someone i would love to work with, shes a great girl and so tallented and i for one would love to be able to help so im trying to open a new door in the workplace...

We went to a salsa night friday it was brilliant, its taken me years to get my fella to dance classes and he loves it , so when we were asked if we would like to go along we went, it was a great night, i saw a woman dance that would make your mouth open she was simply amazing and has inspired me enormously now to stick this out..

riding went well although i spent most of the lesson worrying about lauren without need, last week shook me up, its built in us to protect our kids and i felt so useless not being able to help when she came off, she went back this week smiling and didnt let it get to her so im really proud she didnt quit.. the idea of riding was to spend some time together as we work such ridiculas hours here i wanted us both to look forward to something, the boys now want to learn too.. (this will cost me im gonna have to swap clothes for lessons again now) its the only way i could manage it....

Anyway i wanted to write about something completely different today as its been playing on my mind all day, for those of you that know me know i didnt have my dad with me as i was growing up and it was really hard, i wondered so much about things and couldmt work out why he went, i was lucky as i had a step dad that kept trying to help me..

When i met my partner he already had a young son Dayle, who used to come to our house every weekend to stay , we both loved having him with us, he was bright always smiling and such a lovely kid, i took a real shine to him and was glad that he came to stay, but sadly situations were made inpossible for him to keep coming, my fella was so upset, and tried everything he could to keep the contact,we all did, but sadly with any relationship it can get very upsetting and bitter, and very sadly thats how it ended up, the child was caught in the middle and used to hurt the father, weeks when we went to pick him up she wouldnt let us have him, or would be out so we couldnt come, it was so cruel, and it hurt us all, but we hoped there would come a day when he was old enough when hopefully he would come to us.......

Last night my partner got a phone call, it was Dayle, i know my fella hoped he would call, so he could talk to him, he must have so many unanswered questions and its his right to know about his dad, so they got talking, ive never seen my fella look so nervous but hes been keeping this in for years, so it is understandable, many nights weve sat here talking about it feeling totally distraught that we couldnt do more... I really feel for both of them..

I know what it feels like from both sides and if things get difficult in a relationship its always the kids that suffer.. its so wrong and cruel to all involved..

Anyway today they met up, for the first time in 9 years, i am really hoping that they can both build their bridges and get to know each other now, it just seems such a shame all those years have gone by that they could have enjoyed being together..

Time has a way of always coming back round and helping wounds heal, so i hope today something good may happen and two people that should have never been torn apart can get to start again, my partners a real good man, 16 years with him has taught me that id never find another so kind considerate and loving, hes also a very good dad, if hes allowed to be given the chance, so if you are reading this Dayle.. please give it to him, you wont look back and will see how special he really is...

We all get told stories about people, its nobodys fault, people get bitter when they lose something they love and the years turns that bitterness into a blur of what really happened, i can understand that, ive been hurt so badly in the past i didnt ever want to go near another guy and tarred them all with the same brush, but time heals and i learnt that all men are not the same..

Giving someone a chance can't give back all the years you have missed i know, but it can make new memories and theres a family here including me that would welcome you with open arms...

They all know about their brother and would love to see you, its not a case of youve been forgotten and not loved, my man, so dont ever doubt yourself , we never doubted you.........

Our door is always open to you and your dad will always be just that .........your dad...

Salsa Night

Its been such a fantastic night, i've come home on a high again, and reaching for the kettle, im worn out....lol

The belly dancing was great im finally learning to wiggle properly and loving the class, our teacher has promised to take some pictures for us next week, but its a great class and the women are all really friendly, im making friends with some of the ladies and having a real giggle trying to look like ive got hips (i cheated tonight and put a belt over my skirt to make it look like i have a waistline) see i am determined..hehe. the class finished late so we didnt have much time to get changed before the salsa started.......

Tonight was the best one yet, the guy with the bulge didnt come sadly stell was looking forward to seeing him (and i took my camera in too) but the class was buzzing there were over 40 of us again, the music was quicker the steps more challenging and the wiggles and turns are all now coming together, its great to see so many people all enjoying the same thing.

I get on so well with Jane who teaches the class with Adrian and also become friends with another lady in belly dancing, who i didnt realise until tonight also teaches salsa at the forum on mondays, so as i already know and get on with them both well, im going to tag along, so next week ill be doing both the forum and oasis.. my feet are really gonna ache...

Estelle came to salsa and egyptian with me and im glad she did, we had such a giggle...

Anyway weve been invited to friday nights salsa night, theres booze plenty of music and lots of people who will show us how to do it with style so ive booked my dad to sit and have set a date...

We did so many new steps tonight various turns and really had to work hard, its the first time in class we all broke out in a sweat, so if this is just the start of it........ bring it on.......

We did these pictures after class (as i cant run around taking pictures of people without their permission) but we get extra time to practise when everyones gone home, so hang about til were thrown out.... which was pretty late tonight..lol

My dad sat for my children (its his first time) bless... ive come home to a spotless house and kids all sound asleep happy so im happy, i should have never doubted he could handle my lot as after all, he brought me and my 3 sisters up and i was a real handful (dont tell my kids that) hes a big softie at heart but has made my night as we couldnt get a sitter, they must have been good as when he was about to leave he offered to sit next week and any night i need help.. its an enormous gift to me and the kids are so happy to have their grandad with them.. they made him tea all night....and my fellas got no excuse why he cant learn this and dance with me...

Anyway im straving need to raid the fridge and come down off the ceiling... im on a high tonight...

Bulging

I need to do something inspiring today..lol ive woke up poluted by my daughter bless full of cold and a temperature that doesnt quite know what its doing, im outside one minute in nothing except underwear (its good we have a high fence) then trying to put as many layers on as i can to then be too hot again....lol who ever invented colds.. i dont usually get them thankfully so that brandy will be out tonight......that will sort it out..lol

Ive spoke to the poledancing lady so those of you that have asked about it, feel free to come along, im putting mine back up in the unit outside so i can practise that and salsa now in the comfort of being hid up..so you are all free to join me...lol

I have loads to get done today but cant quite get my head into it so im blogging and putting everything off again in between sneezing..lol

I wanted to tell you all about salsa this week.. we had a new guy come along.. this guys rather dishy but he cant get any of us girls to keep a straight face when we dance with him.. he speaks lovely , is really well educated and has come along as he wants to dance like Ricky Martin.. yep honestly i didnt know what to say about that one so all i could come out with was " you need to wear leather trousers then to this class" oops..

The funiest thing is we cant work out something.. he wore a pair of white cords that were so tight in a certain area.. it wasnt just me all the women were talking about it.. and he looked like he had put a couple of pairs of socks down there too ! oops again..

I honestly have never seen anything like it, and my mission this week is to somehow get a photo of this poor guy, im sure hell pose (as he seems to do that rather well constantly checking out his reflection) so as im curious to see if you all think, all is not quite as it may appear..hehe

I dont have a name to put to the socks yet (thats what we call him) but hopefully ill get someone guilable to ask him.... and take a photo.. hes got the hugh grant hairstyle, bulging biscepts, open shirt showing off the waxed chest and stands like hes s*** himself ! hehehehehe ....god im so crude sometimes.. but seeing really is believing in this instance ....

Anyway if any women are reading this please check back next week, or come to the class ..lol

Im sorry about the pictures but i was scanning for a photo of a bulge and got carried away, rather nice arent they..lol

Enigma,

Riding in The Snow

Its been a busy week , hense my lack of posting, sorry everyone......

Ive been trying to cram everything in this week, but whatever i failed in i'll sort out later.. its good to procratinate sometimes...lol

Last night i was standing in the most beautiful garden in the snow, it was lovely getting covered and allows me to use heavy snow fall as the excuse for acting like a child..lol

Im so pleased with my kids this week, their reports were good and they had a 100% attendance record again, its not easy in school holidays to try keep working so thankfully my lot are all strong and healthy the rest of the time...

Today we thought riding would have been cancelled so i rang earlier to check, but it was still on and surprised us ...

So off we set slowly today as my road was like a skating rink, and my little girl wasnt very well bless but really did still want to still ride.... so i had to go with it..although i didnt really want her to as shes not as strong as usual and hasnt eaten much all week..

We got there and sarahs hubby John had been up digging and raking over the whole field, so although i bet he aches bless, it enabled us to still enjoy our day..so a big thank you goes out to him..

There were only 3 of us today and it was freezing and very white everywhere, but once we got started we soon warmed up, Shadow was having another really eratically fast day again, all three horses were strange to say the least.....

Anyway nearly half way through the lesson we were all cantering round one at a time and it was then laurens turn on her pony, thats where it all kind of went wrong........

She was cantering round the ring and a lump of snow fell from the ridge of the fence , it wasnt big but scared her pony badly, she then bucked in canter and off over the horses heas went Lauren doing a somersault.............

I have never shouted so loud, i honestly thought the pony was going to ride over her, but somehow it managed to avoid her, she did right and as weve both been told, rolled and curled up and thankfully apart from scaring the hell out of us and a good few bruises shes ok, i told sarah not to make her get back on the pony, Lauren has to do what she feels and it was a really bad fall, but bless after 20 mins and getting her wind back she asked to go back on.........i am really proud of her today,she was so brave and determined ...

Anyway we took a few photos today , there would have been more but the camera got thrown when lauren did but im sure well make up for it next week....

So we gave them their polos said a big thank you to John and came home, i then had a salsa lesson to do.... so i have very sore feet now..lol

Have a great weekend everyone, ill be thinking of my friends at chant tonight and sending them all my warmest wishes, but for reasons beyond my control i cant sadly be there, although i wanted to more than ever........... so ill wish you all a fantastic night and sending loads of love from me.......