'Love or Lust' , How do you know ?
Too many people use the term "Love" far to freely.
It should be spoken only when you really mean it...
Lust is a physical attraction , you look at them with wanting,
Its highly charged and eats away at your head until you can think of nothing else.
The chemistry is there he/she makes that craving come to life,
Its powerful & exciting but usually not long term,
If acted on it makes excellent sex and makes you feel alive for as long as you both feel that spark.
If left it sizzles out on its own, as your mind then thinks nothing will come of it so you move on.
Its also divorce reason no 1.. as soon as the sparks gone so is the husband/wife ... they soon find another flame that flickers for them...
The term ' Love ' has many meanings..
You use the term when you have very special friends,
Or for immediate family that you have depended on all your life.
But when does it change from lust to love for a sexual partner ?
And is there such a thing as Love at first sight ? (like watching Ben on X factor lol)
Ive had a long term relationship before, and every time he said ' he loved me ' I cringed ....
So I guess it throws a spanner in the works to, its for when two people have been together for a eternity.
I knew I didn't love him, it was me stuck in a relationship in a habit ,
Fear or going out meeting someone and starting again and lack of confidence to leave him ..
Thoughts of visiting the 'meat market clubs' left me in no doubt, i didn't want to go down that route id rather be on my own...
But to fall in love you have to value yourself first, after all how can someone else value you if you don't know your own mind....
Ive heard it before with sisters & friends ' I love him ' when they've only known him for a few weeks ...
In turn too I've had men say it to me , it didn't make me like them, it made me run for cover..
They haven't had time to know me for who i am inside, so its the outside they're looking at,
that's not love its lust, but guys think its what you want to hear... we're not all after wedding rings lol ...
I have experienced lust to the extent i couldn't think of anything else, it went on for an eternity, and although i was really into him, i didn't want to take that step to cross those boundaries...
I did love him , but knew that i would have got badly hurt, and so kept the relationship, as just friends.
I got to keep him by my side for years , but not in a physical or sexual form, and i was glad that i did, i watched him go through women like water , yet every day he came to visit he always took time to learn about me as a person, not something he bothered to do with his many one night stands.
I got to be known as the one who got away .. from his many friends .. which made me giggle, as what they really meant was i was the one who got him, he always wanted what he couldn't have so by keeping him at arms length i did right.. and i did learn a lot from him that I'm thankful for... and always will be.....
I've listened to him tell me time and time again, ' I'm in love again ' as i smiled to myself and put the kettle on.
The man wouldn't know love if it hit him with a hammer ....
love to him was a good shag , who made him tea afterwards, preferably who had a home he could move into .. just for a week or two, or until that spark wandered off onto his next victim ... lol
Yet as the years went by we developed such a strong friendship, and became dependant on each other, as he knew me so well inside, and me him .. ...
But i also knew that the years had changed the way i felt about him, i had grown to love him as my friend, but wasn't ' in love with him ' as he may have liked .
There was no physical spark from my end anymore, & that lust i had to start with had changed into a friendship.
I would cringe when i thought that i used to look at him sexually,
and although we did try to see what happened one night, after scrubbing myself down with a scourer in a shower , disgusted with letting my guard down , i knew it wasn't meant to be ,
He knew what he was doing in bed, and sparks flew... but i wasn't prepared for how much he'd changed by the morning... when he said " he loved me " it wasn't that he meant it, it was what he normally would say, to his many bed notches...
I was then placed in the category i most dreaded .. One of his many women, to add to his trophy collection ..
But after a heart to heart he understood what i meant by ' a mistake ' , he would get to keep me but only as a friend, which would last far longer than a bed notch .
But changing a friend into a lover doesn't always work , you may be compatible between the sheets,
but if that other person wants more than you're prepared to give, it can change the friendship, so unless they know the score , and know what his/her boundaries are, and are happy with those terms, tread with caution ...
Then a guy came along who i got on with well , he was a really deep person inside and i enjoyed learning what made him tick, although he certainly took some working out , but the fact that he never touched , kissed me , anything .. had it in my head he wanted the friendship thing only , fine i can do that , no pressure there...
To one night he decided to kiss me, months after we had been going out just as friends, and it all changed from then on ..
He hadn't made any advances whatsoever , & i didn't know if we would be compatible sexually as i had suppressed personal feelings, but i was worried & concerned, as i hadn't thought he looked at me sexually, i certainly never saw it.. but it was back to square one in my head and time to reevaluate .
I didn't have to worry about being compatible , although this guy was quiet, he was explosive in bed, so that part was easy, they say the quiet ones are the worst ! lol
After years of living with this guy effortlessly it seems, I've worked out the meaning of love to me...
As a partner/husband/wife you are promising to care about that person day in day out,
Putting their needs first , and promising them that you will care about the meaningless things they've done today, showing them no matter what, they do matter to you, if nothing else in their world went right they can depend on you.
This person makes you grow inside, and pushes you to be the most you can be, but not for self gain , solely for the pleasure of watching you grow into this new person , that you matter to him just as much as he matters to you , that they promise to care about your day too, and wants you to be the most you can be, and live your life to its full potential.
Even if its at their own expense at times.
By putting that person first you don't loose out on yourself, as hes looking out for you ..
But if you can catch them looking at you 15 years on still with "that look"
Then you know, that there is such a thing as being in love and still in lust .
That makes it all the more special, you have the best of both worlds, the sexual chemistry and the commitment & love needed to make it work ...
If you can help that person forfil their dreams day by day, and they do the same for you, its a perfect example of what love should be....
After all you only get if you give, and if by giving, you receive a life of freedom to grow to the full potential you are inside, and he still loves you for it ...
Youv'e found a special person indeed, one worth caring about, and sharing your thoughts, dreams & life with ...
How do you keep the sparks, relationship alive after so many years?
lol ... well theres another blog ...............
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